Adventures in Divorce

I always wondered why people who murdered their spouses didn't just get a divorce.... I now understand why

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Location: Nap Town, Indie-anne-ahhhhhh!, United States

No, I'm not a prophetess. Cassandra, according to Greek mythology, spurned the advances of the Greek god Apollo and her gift of prophecy was cursed so that her predictions would never be believed. Such is my life. I tend not to think like most people, which is a gift... but also a curse. So step into my mind, take off your shoes and stay for awhile... you're always welcome, loved ones.

July 24, 2008

Cougar in wait

At the restaurant......

It's 6:34 and I'm at Fogo de Chao waiting on a just turned 21 year old boy young man to show up for dinner. Our reservations were for 6:30. Not that I'm never late, but dude......you begged and begged to let this 30 year old take her out, you think you'd be on your Ps and Qs. Its not THAT big of a deal, but I hate waiting. And looking for things. Or people. Anyway, despite my insistence that I'm old as fuck (but not for the Earth) he said he wanted to take me out, anywhere I wanted to go, and what do I eat? I said "steak". I was recently informed that for some reason, women don't eat steak.....? That was news to me. I like red meat. Sorry. So yes, steak I said, and I want Fogo de Chao where I heard they just carry around animal flesh on big skewers and slice pieces off right at your table. Mmmmm. My cup 'o tea. I threw that out there only because I thought he was bullshittin' and this would be the way to get him to snap out of it. He said he didn't care how much it cost, and that he needed some "grown and sexy" in his life. (I hate that term, BTW.) Ok, you wanna play grown folk games?? Let's spar.

So I feel just ever so slightly bad that I'm making allowing this Wabash College student buy me a meal that men my age won't (does that say something about him or something about them? I'm not quite sure.....). Spending up his internship stipend money or football scholarship money or Stafford loan refund money. But hey, I won't risk insulting this young man by saying he doesn't have it to spend. He does go to Wabash after all. And you never know what folks have going on. So I'll let that worry go.

Metrognome laughed at me last night and had that impish grin on his face as he watched this 21 year old put in some serious work to get me to say yes and give him my number (I gave him a business card, cuz that's how we "grown and sexy" women do). Dude was QUITE thirsty, I must admit. I prefer a slightly more subtle approach, but I'm a sucker for confidence and bold moves, and it somewhat impressed me that he wasn't intimidated. That's feedback that I get a lot.....that I intimidate men with my presence and confidence. (???) So hey.....take a risk and you get a reward.

6:51 and he's still not here. Good thing I insisted on 6:30 so I wouldn't miss the CNN Black in America special at 9. I'm going to go bake almond cookies for my neighbors and watch it with them. That's the sort of random ish I do that confuses 21 year olds. Actually it confuses everyone I think. That's why I prefer to stick with guys closer to my age......they've seen more variety and/or know what matters and what doesn't. Dealbreakers at 21 aren't the same dealbreakers at 31. And they appreciate and aren't afraid of variety. New isn't (as) scary.

6:57.....he just called and said he'd be here in a minute. Good thing I've altered my approach to life and have learned to sieze opportunities or else I'd be really, really irked right now. But hey, free meal. No biggie. Unless we can't get in (since the alleged reservation was at 6:30, and on the phone he asked me again what the name of the restaurant is.......I think there is no "reservation").

7:01..... he calls back again saying he can't find me and where am I at? He say he's downstairs. Downstairs?? I didn't know Fogo de Chao had a downstairs.....? He says "You said Morton's right?" *slaps forehead* No sweetheart, across the street.

*******
So what had happened was......

The young man showed up, finally, 30+ minutes late. Thankfully he was not dressed in the shorts that he asked me if it would be ok to wear ("But it's hot!" he said. Um, no.) and I have the sneaky suspicion that he's high as hell. We sit down and he kind of sits slightly slumped in his chair, looking around like "Dang, this is where the rich people eat, huh?" Granted, I would probably never go to Fogo de Chao on my own dollar, but I'd hardly consider it 5-star dining. I ask him whether he wants to order individual drinks or a bottle of wine, and of course he just shrugged at me (and of course he doesn't drink wine). One thing about me is that I like for a man to take charge and make decisions, but I have NO problem making them when you stutter. Ok, so a bottle of reisling it is. I wasn't being entirely *coldblooded* in the matter..... I actually ordered the wine because it would have been the same price as, or cheaper than, ordering individual drinks at a place like that. And reisling is a good wine for non-wine drinkers.

I tried to treat him as a peer (Neighbor got on me afterwards for calling him a boy...."He's a MAN!" he said to me. Whatever) but the age difference just kept jumping up and smacking me in the face. He didn't partake of the salad bar, cringed at my medium cuts of meat (at one point he asked for some meat well done, and they had to go back and get an entirely different skewer that was all shrveled and sad looking), and was talking to me about how his life as a college student "sucked" (sheeyat.... let me back in womb of college, PLEASE!). I had to resist the urge to reach over and pat him on the head. The conversation was a little taxing, too.... I am extremely analytical and logical, so when he asked me the question "Do you lie?" I had to say "yes..... everyone lies to some extent, it's a necessary part of normal civil society" which he took to mean that I'm a liar. He didn't get it, and what otherwise would have been some interesting intellectual banter just ended in me saying "Nevermind". *long sigh*

So then comes the bill. It must've been the liquor talking on Tuesday night when he said "You're gonna have me out spending $175 and ish.... I don't care!" because he looked at that bill a little longer than necessary, looked in his wallet, looked back at the bill, and started counting. The damage? $130. As we got up to leave he says "Is $10 enough for a tip??" No, lil nigglett!! I told him he better put another $10 down on that table! (I think he threw down another $5) To me, that's one of those major-minor deal breakers.... J. Moore says it best: "If you do not tip, you are an asshole." If you cannot afford to tip the proper amount at a restaurant, you cannot afford to eat there.

In all honesty, if the boy man had suggested a less expensive spot, I would have been fine with it and not have thought any less of him. Spending beyond your means in an attempt to impress someone is an instant turn off for me anyway. But even after several warnings and several attempts to give him an out, he insisted on taking me to wherever I wanted to go. To me, that's informed consent, assumption of the risk, and any other legalese that applies in this situation. But once again, that is the difference between a young man and a more mature one, and something that young man is just going to have to come to appreciate with age.

It will be interesting to compare this Thursday's experience, which is to be dinner with a 32 year old African in Chicago......he's paying for me to come up there JUST to have dinner with him; again, at HIS insistence, not mine. I was going up there anyway to hear my boy spin tonight, so this just lets me go for free-99. Stay tuned......

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3 Comments:

Anonymous ClassySassyUK said...

"If you do not tip, you are an asshole." <-- Unless you're in London where tipping is uncustomary in most cases. Some places try to be "American" and add a 15% gratuity to the bill, but only "nicer" establishments.

I don't see anything wrong with taking someone up on their offer. If acceptance is not anticipated, mouths shouldn't be opened.

I probably would have patted the kid on the head. Why do "man-boys" get so offended when one of their own is referred to as boy?

Ah...to be a college kid again. I remember my biggest concern was where I was going to law school and what to wear out on Thursday night to Skeepers. Damn! To have those days back...

July 24, 2008 at 11:40 AM  
Anonymous ChickenBoo said...

You're a good one for giving him a chance. Then again he insisted and it was a free meal at the place of your choice. Maybe I need to stop shooting men/boys down at the gate. ;)

I also appreciate a man who can take charge and make a decision, but will make them if I'm forced to (and then be shitty later because I had to).

Co-signing with J. Non-tippers are indeed assholes...douche bag assholes.

July 24, 2008 at 1:19 PM  
Anonymous Anesidora said...

Oh oh! One other thing I forgot he said that made me smile that patient mommy smile was when he said he DJ'd, and implied that he was better than my favorite DJ, and this was AFTER I told him that I was going to Chi to see said DJ spin. Getthefuckouttaherewiththatbullshit!! No soup for you!

July 24, 2008 at 1:44 PM  

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Adventures in Divorce: Cougar in wait

Cougar in wait

At the restaurant......

It's 6:34 and I'm at Fogo de Chao waiting on a just turned 21 year old boy young man to show up for dinner. Our reservations were for 6:30. Not that I'm never late, but dude......you begged and begged to let this 30 year old take her out, you think you'd be on your Ps and Qs. Its not THAT big of a deal, but I hate waiting. And looking for things. Or people. Anyway, despite my insistence that I'm old as fuck (but not for the Earth) he said he wanted to take me out, anywhere I wanted to go, and what do I eat? I said "steak". I was recently informed that for some reason, women don't eat steak.....? That was news to me. I like red meat. Sorry. So yes, steak I said, and I want Fogo de Chao where I heard they just carry around animal flesh on big skewers and slice pieces off right at your table. Mmmmm. My cup 'o tea. I threw that out there only because I thought he was bullshittin' and this would be the way to get him to snap out of it. He said he didn't care how much it cost, and that he needed some "grown and sexy" in his life. (I hate that term, BTW.) Ok, you wanna play grown folk games?? Let's spar.

So I feel just ever so slightly bad that I'm making allowing this Wabash College student buy me a meal that men my age won't (does that say something about him or something about them? I'm not quite sure.....). Spending up his internship stipend money or football scholarship money or Stafford loan refund money. But hey, I won't risk insulting this young man by saying he doesn't have it to spend. He does go to Wabash after all. And you never know what folks have going on. So I'll let that worry go.

Metrognome laughed at me last night and had that impish grin on his face as he watched this 21 year old put in some serious work to get me to say yes and give him my number (I gave him a business card, cuz that's how we "grown and sexy" women do). Dude was QUITE thirsty, I must admit. I prefer a slightly more subtle approach, but I'm a sucker for confidence and bold moves, and it somewhat impressed me that he wasn't intimidated. That's feedback that I get a lot.....that I intimidate men with my presence and confidence. (???) So hey.....take a risk and you get a reward.

6:51 and he's still not here. Good thing I insisted on 6:30 so I wouldn't miss the CNN Black in America special at 9. I'm going to go bake almond cookies for my neighbors and watch it with them. That's the sort of random ish I do that confuses 21 year olds. Actually it confuses everyone I think. That's why I prefer to stick with guys closer to my age......they've seen more variety and/or know what matters and what doesn't. Dealbreakers at 21 aren't the same dealbreakers at 31. And they appreciate and aren't afraid of variety. New isn't (as) scary.

6:57.....he just called and said he'd be here in a minute. Good thing I've altered my approach to life and have learned to sieze opportunities or else I'd be really, really irked right now. But hey, free meal. No biggie. Unless we can't get in (since the alleged reservation was at 6:30, and on the phone he asked me again what the name of the restaurant is.......I think there is no "reservation").

7:01..... he calls back again saying he can't find me and where am I at? He say he's downstairs. Downstairs?? I didn't know Fogo de Chao had a downstairs.....? He says "You said Morton's right?" *slaps forehead* No sweetheart, across the street.

*******
So what had happened was......

The young man showed up, finally, 30+ minutes late. Thankfully he was not dressed in the shorts that he asked me if it would be ok to wear ("But it's hot!" he said. Um, no.) and I have the sneaky suspicion that he's high as hell. We sit down and he kind of sits slightly slumped in his chair, looking around like "Dang, this is where the rich people eat, huh?" Granted, I would probably never go to Fogo de Chao on my own dollar, but I'd hardly consider it 5-star dining. I ask him whether he wants to order individual drinks or a bottle of wine, and of course he just shrugged at me (and of course he doesn't drink wine). One thing about me is that I like for a man to take charge and make decisions, but I have NO problem making them when you stutter. Ok, so a bottle of reisling it is. I wasn't being entirely *coldblooded* in the matter..... I actually ordered the wine because it would have been the same price as, or cheaper than, ordering individual drinks at a place like that. And reisling is a good wine for non-wine drinkers.

I tried to treat him as a peer (Neighbor got on me afterwards for calling him a boy...."He's a MAN!" he said to me. Whatever) but the age difference just kept jumping up and smacking me in the face. He didn't partake of the salad bar, cringed at my medium cuts of meat (at one point he asked for some meat well done, and they had to go back and get an entirely different skewer that was all shrveled and sad looking), and was talking to me about how his life as a college student "sucked" (sheeyat.... let me back in womb of college, PLEASE!). I had to resist the urge to reach over and pat him on the head. The conversation was a little taxing, too.... I am extremely analytical and logical, so when he asked me the question "Do you lie?" I had to say "yes..... everyone lies to some extent, it's a necessary part of normal civil society" which he took to mean that I'm a liar. He didn't get it, and what otherwise would have been some interesting intellectual banter just ended in me saying "Nevermind". *long sigh*

So then comes the bill. It must've been the liquor talking on Tuesday night when he said "You're gonna have me out spending $175 and ish.... I don't care!" because he looked at that bill a little longer than necessary, looked in his wallet, looked back at the bill, and started counting. The damage? $130. As we got up to leave he says "Is $10 enough for a tip??" No, lil nigglett!! I told him he better put another $10 down on that table! (I think he threw down another $5) To me, that's one of those major-minor deal breakers.... J. Moore says it best: "If you do not tip, you are an asshole." If you cannot afford to tip the proper amount at a restaurant, you cannot afford to eat there.

In all honesty, if the boy man had suggested a less expensive spot, I would have been fine with it and not have thought any less of him. Spending beyond your means in an attempt to impress someone is an instant turn off for me anyway. But even after several warnings and several attempts to give him an out, he insisted on taking me to wherever I wanted to go. To me, that's informed consent, assumption of the risk, and any other legalese that applies in this situation. But once again, that is the difference between a young man and a more mature one, and something that young man is just going to have to come to appreciate with age.

It will be interesting to compare this Thursday's experience, which is to be dinner with a 32 year old African in Chicago......he's paying for me to come up there JUST to have dinner with him; again, at HIS insistence, not mine. I was going up there anyway to hear my boy spin tonight, so this just lets me go for free-99. Stay tuned......

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