Adventures in Divorce

I always wondered why people who murdered their spouses didn't just get a divorce.... I now understand why

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Location: Nap Town, Indie-anne-ahhhhhh!, United States

No, I'm not a prophetess. Cassandra, according to Greek mythology, spurned the advances of the Greek god Apollo and her gift of prophecy was cursed so that her predictions would never be believed. Such is my life. I tend not to think like most people, which is a gift... but also a curse. So step into my mind, take off your shoes and stay for awhile... you're always welcome, loved ones.

February 5, 2009

Emotional Baggage...Thursdays

This one isn't waiting for Sunday....

It's okay in the day I'm staying busy
Tied up enough so I don't have to wonder where is he
Got so sick of crying
So just lately
When I catch myself I do a 180
I stay up clean the house
At least I'm not drinking (*Note: ok, so maybe I have been.....)
Run around just so I don't have to think about thinking
That silent sense of content
That everyone gets
Just disappears soon as the sun sets

This face in my dreams seizes my guts
He floods me with dread
Soaked in soul
He swims in my eyes by the bed
Pour myself over him
Moon spilling in
And I wake up alone

If I was my heart
I'd rather be restless
The second I stop the sleep catches up and I'm breathless
This ache in my chest
As my day is done now
The dark covers me and I cannot run now
My blood running cold
I stand before him
It's all I can do to assure him
When he comes to me
I drip for him tonight
Drowning in me we bathe under blue light

His face in my dreams seizes my guts
He floods me with dread
Soaked in soul
He swims in my eyes by the bed
Pour myself over him
Moon spilling in
And I wake up alone
And I wake up alone
And I wake up alone
And I wake up alone

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February 3, 2009

A Lesson in Privilege

Attorney-client privilege is a legal concept that protects communications between a client and his or her attorney and keeps those communications confidential.

The policy underlying this privilege is that of encouraging open and honest communication between clients and attorneys, which is thought to promote obedience to law and reduce the chance of illegal behavior, whether intentional or inadvertent. As such, the attorney-client privilege is considered as one of the strongest privileges available under law.

(thanks, Wikipedia!)

This past weekend I went to go visit my best friend from law school in DC.... just to run away from my problems get away and hang out and because I missed her and didn't get to come out for the Inauguration. I finally got to meet her partner boyfriend gentleman caller dude who'd been eagerly awaiting to meet me for the past 2 years because I am the Best Friend.... he'd met everyone else in her inner circle but me and our other close friend. So today were were having our daily e-mail convo and turns out that our beaus tried to have the exact same convo starting off with this question:

"So what did y'all talk about and say about me??"

And this, loved ones, is where the next law-inspired lesson comes in..... the concept of privilege.

First of all, I may have to burst you men's bubbles and say that we don't talk about you constantly like you see in the movies and on TV....we are not all relationship crazed, obsessive, can't breathe or live without you chicks. At least, my friends aren't. We have other interests, other aspects of our lives. But even when we do have our discussions, these conversations are subject to privilige similar to the aformentioned attorney-client privilege..... we are not going to tell you everything that was said and discussed, nor should we be expected to or have to. Conversations between close friends should be non-discoverable (i.e. we should not be asked to produce evidence of them or repeat their substance) for many of the same reasons that conversations between attorneys and clients should be privileged.

Everyone needs a confidant.... someone they can share all their deepest, darkest thoughts and feelings with without fear of repercussions or being judged. It's necessary to get those things out and sort through them, and it's even more helpful when you have a sounding board and can get feedback from someone who knows you and cares about you. You need to have someone you can get totally raw with.... someone you can vent to. And sometimes you need someone who you can be totally irreverent and flippant with, but because they know you and know where you're coming from, they know where your heart and mind are really at. Knowing that such conversations may be discoverable (in the legal sense of the word, meaning that you have to produce them if requested) hinders open communication. This is why the attorney client privilege is so strong..... the policy is to make sure people can be totally open and honest so that they can get the best representation/help possible.

There are just things you say to friends and a way of saying such things to friends that are only appropriate for friends and are not fit to be repeated. While this may seem like this is how you TRULY feel, I say you are only getting a fraction of the picture from it. Think about it.... how often have you heard a man bitch and moan about his wife, but loves her to pieces? Or heard a friend completely go OFF about her dude and the next week they are closer than.... well, I was gonna say Bobby and Whitney over a crack pipe, but that's a little dated. Anyway, this goes for men AND women..... I really don't care to know what you and your boys said about me, harmless or not. If you care to disclose it (waiver of privilege) then fine, but I'm not going to petition the court for an in camera review and force you to share it with me. I treat conversations with close friends like a diary.... it's not for my eyes, and you may say things in that situation that you wouldn't say otherwise.

So with that said..... don't bother asking your SO to repeat a conversation that may or may not have occurred about you. It's against the friendship privilege, and you will get an objection that has no other option than to be sustained.

Case dismissed.

(I am not a litigator, BTW *shudder*)

(oh, and corollary to this concept is don't bother asking your SO's friend for information.... you are not going to get a straight answer. Like a good attorney, friends are not allowed to waive the privilege on another person's behalf. Serious ethical violation, loved ones.)

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February 2, 2009

"Oh dear!"

One of my favorite newly coined sayings when I'm feeling upset/frustrated/bitchy is "I feel like punching a kitten in the face" (because think about how horrible that is to punch a small, innocent, bewildered kitten whose head is about half the size of your fist dead in its little flat face.... you'd have to be feeling REALLY cantakerous and evil to do something like that). So imagine my utter delight when depicted a very similar embodiment of that feeling in their Super Bowl ad this year.

Anyway, around the 33-36 second mark is how I'm feeling right about now:

I think I need some help. Too much in life is starting to get to me. More about some of those things later (maybe).

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Adventures in Divorce: 02/2009 - 03/2009

Adventures in Divorce