Access Denied

So I called my son this evening and asked him how things were going.... how was his weekend, how's practice, how's his week, etc. He seemed a little bummed so I asked what was wrong, so he proceeds to tell me about some issues he's been having with The Ex's girlfriend's daughter and how he feels like he's been put into an unfair position as far as his level of responsibility for her. I then hear The Ex screaming at him in the background for talking to me about it, saying "Don't talk to her about that!! She can't do shit about anything going on over here!" I kept my cool, and calmly assured my son that he could talk to me about whatever he wanted, and that I was not trying to pry or interfere. His response to me: "No, I can't." I honestly was not trying to interject or pry into their "household". I was just talking to my son, trying to find out what's going on in his world.

It's a difficult adjustment to go from knowing 100% what's going on in your kids' lives to seeing them having a whole other life seprate and apart from you. It's like someone has pulled a curtain around those areas of their lives, and effectively areas of your own life. They are dealing with new people, new rules, new routines, new everything, and all you can do is stand on the other side of the curtain and maybe sometimes hear a murmur or catch a glimpse. I talk to my kids and ask what's been going on with them, and they start talking about people and friends that I don't know. And that's hard to accept sometimes. But accept I must, because I know that it comes with the territory of divorce.

What I can't accept, however, is The Ex telling my kids what they can and cannot talk to their mother about. It is enough of a struggle trying to get a 14 year old boy to talk to his mother (my daughter still talks my ear off) without negative reinforcement via his dad giving him hell about it. You can do anything you want to me, but when you start involving my kids, then we are going to have problems. I would not do anything to hinder open conversation between my kids and their dad, because I know that if they feel comfortable about opening up about things of the nature of my and my son's conversation, they will be more inclined to open up to him, and me, about topics of a more serious nature. I know that by putting those limitations on their communication with their dad, it puts them in the unfair "middle" position and into a situation where they feel like they have to choose sides. I've always tried to avoid that, while The Ex has repeatedly placed them right into the line of fire, or actually used them as ammo. And it hurts my heart because there's nothing I can do to "protect" them from that..... all I can do is hope that my Ex somehow develops some sense of maturity and perspective.

I can see the bigger picture here..... even if I can't see the whole picture.