Adventures in Divorce

I always wondered why people who murdered their spouses didn't just get a divorce.... I now understand why

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Location: Nap Town, Indie-anne-ahhhhhh!, United States

No, I'm not a prophetess. Cassandra, according to Greek mythology, spurned the advances of the Greek god Apollo and her gift of prophecy was cursed so that her predictions would never be believed. Such is my life. I tend not to think like most people, which is a gift... but also a curse. So step into my mind, take off your shoes and stay for awhile... you're always welcome, loved ones.

August 15, 2008

Someone please expain this to me......

Timing.... that is an issue that has been vexing me lately, both due to my own situation and because my friends and I were recently discussing it. If it were the final question on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire, I would have to tell Meredith "Not me, I'm taking the cash and going home." It's an age old question and I really don't think there's an answer, but that's never stopped me from looking before. Here it goes:

How long should you wait before having sex with a guy?

and, as a follow up question:

What are the implications of waiting vs. not waiting?

I felt really bad last night talking to my..... my...... well, I don't know what to quite consider him at this point......

(*Sidenote: My friend calls her dude her "partner" because she can't stomach the word "boyfriend" because dude is in his 40's and using the term "boy" just doesn't seem right, but then we point out that it sounds like she's talking about her lesbian lover and it's confusing.... so yea, that's why labels are just crappy)

....... because he was telling me that when we first started kickin' it, I was really distant and dismissive toward him and just uber causal about everything. Part of this is due to the fact that I was raised in dating captivity and don't know how normal people function in the wild, but the main issue was that I assumed that he wasn't going to take ME seriously owing to the fact I (1) told him point blank that I was kinda dating someone out of town, and then (2) he got the draws after spending a total of, oh, $10 in drinks on me the first time we hung out* (damn $3 Grateful Deads) AND I made an ass of myself by puking all over his toilet (not just IN the toilet.....again, damn Grateful Deads).

(*Time Out: This calls for a "I normally don't do this" disclaimer, but that would be a partial lie. I don't do this sort of thing with EVERYBODY I meet, because honestly I don't like most people I meet off the giddyap like that. I'm all about the vibe I get from a person.... it's not about how much money a dude spends or how much "work" he puts in, it's if I like you, plain and simple, and I get a good vibe from very, very few people, even if I'm attracted to them. The 21 year old who (foolishly) spent $130 on dinner got only a lean-forward-booty-stuck-way out-one-arm-side-hug at the end of the night, after which I went to watch CNN with the dude who got the draws after $10 in Grateful Deads. Go figure. My ish isn't for sale, that's for damn sure.)

From what I'd been told by male friends who were trying to "school" me on the ways of men, that type of behavior gets you thrown immediately into the jump off category, and he's telling all his friend about you, and you'll never get any kind of respect in his book, blah blah blah. So I say to myself "Ok, Self, you put yourself on this course, so just be cool and don't play yourself too badly, this can still be salvaged for some purpose I guess." So I was cool.... ice cold like Andre 3000. But turns out that I guess I hurt his feelings a bit because he DIDN'T think of me like that. And that makes me feel bad. But I was merely acting on the basis of what friends had told me about the "rules" related to gaining respect* vs. becoming a jump off when it comes to guys.

(*Another sidenote: I can say with the utmost confidence that I ALWAYS garner the respect of the guys I've dealt with, no matter what course our dealings go on. I've never been in a situation where I've gotten utterly disrespected *knock on wood*..... perhaps it's a factor of the who I choose to let into my life, but I think it's also how I conduct myself. Hmmm.......)

That's not the case with my friend, though. He hasn't treated me like a jump off, he likes me for me, we hang out together, we enjoy each other's company..... all those things that my boys told me would NOT happen based on my initial antics. Then I think about the only guy that did try and borderline play me who I DID make wait a decent amount of time who went somewhat incognegro after the fact (but who all the sudden has started calling again..... kick rocks, MF, you blew your chance to have an out of town FWB), and I'm thinking WTF? Are my boys just steering me wrong here?? What is really going on?

So, please tell me...... WHAT ARE THE RULES??? Or are there even any Rules?? Or are the exceptions to the Rules so numerous as to make the Rules utterly pointless?

Honestly, I think I'm just going to keep doing my thing how I think it should be done and how it works for me, and if anyone doesn't like it...... *shrug* your loss.

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Adventures in Divorce: Someone please expain this to me......

Someone please expain this to me......

Timing.... that is an issue that has been vexing me lately, both due to my own situation and because my friends and I were recently discussing it. If it were the final question on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire, I would have to tell Meredith "Not me, I'm taking the cash and going home." It's an age old question and I really don't think there's an answer, but that's never stopped me from looking before. Here it goes:

How long should you wait before having sex with a guy?

and, as a follow up question:

What are the implications of waiting vs. not waiting?

I felt really bad last night talking to my..... my...... well, I don't know what to quite consider him at this point......

(*Sidenote: My friend calls her dude her "partner" because she can't stomach the word "boyfriend" because dude is in his 40's and using the term "boy" just doesn't seem right, but then we point out that it sounds like she's talking about her lesbian lover and it's confusing.... so yea, that's why labels are just crappy)

....... because he was telling me that when we first started kickin' it, I was really distant and dismissive toward him and just uber causal about everything. Part of this is due to the fact that I was raised in dating captivity and don't know how normal people function in the wild, but the main issue was that I assumed that he wasn't going to take ME seriously owing to the fact I (1) told him point blank that I was kinda dating someone out of town, and then (2) he got the draws after spending a total of, oh, $10 in drinks on me the first time we hung out* (damn $3 Grateful Deads) AND I made an ass of myself by puking all over his toilet (not just IN the toilet.....again, damn Grateful Deads).

(*Time Out: This calls for a "I normally don't do this" disclaimer, but that would be a partial lie. I don't do this sort of thing with EVERYBODY I meet, because honestly I don't like most people I meet off the giddyap like that. I'm all about the vibe I get from a person.... it's not about how much money a dude spends or how much "work" he puts in, it's if I like you, plain and simple, and I get a good vibe from very, very few people, even if I'm attracted to them. The 21 year old who (foolishly) spent $130 on dinner got only a lean-forward-booty-stuck-way out-one-arm-side-hug at the end of the night, after which I went to watch CNN with the dude who got the draws after $10 in Grateful Deads. Go figure. My ish isn't for sale, that's for damn sure.)

From what I'd been told by male friends who were trying to "school" me on the ways of men, that type of behavior gets you thrown immediately into the jump off category, and he's telling all his friend about you, and you'll never get any kind of respect in his book, blah blah blah. So I say to myself "Ok, Self, you put yourself on this course, so just be cool and don't play yourself too badly, this can still be salvaged for some purpose I guess." So I was cool.... ice cold like Andre 3000. But turns out that I guess I hurt his feelings a bit because he DIDN'T think of me like that. And that makes me feel bad. But I was merely acting on the basis of what friends had told me about the "rules" related to gaining respect* vs. becoming a jump off when it comes to guys.

(*Another sidenote: I can say with the utmost confidence that I ALWAYS garner the respect of the guys I've dealt with, no matter what course our dealings go on. I've never been in a situation where I've gotten utterly disrespected *knock on wood*..... perhaps it's a factor of the who I choose to let into my life, but I think it's also how I conduct myself. Hmmm.......)

That's not the case with my friend, though. He hasn't treated me like a jump off, he likes me for me, we hang out together, we enjoy each other's company..... all those things that my boys told me would NOT happen based on my initial antics. Then I think about the only guy that did try and borderline play me who I DID make wait a decent amount of time who went somewhat incognegro after the fact (but who all the sudden has started calling again..... kick rocks, MF, you blew your chance to have an out of town FWB), and I'm thinking WTF? Are my boys just steering me wrong here?? What is really going on?

So, please tell me...... WHAT ARE THE RULES??? Or are there even any Rules?? Or are the exceptions to the Rules so numerous as to make the Rules utterly pointless?

Honestly, I think I'm just going to keep doing my thing how I think it should be done and how it works for me, and if anyone doesn't like it...... *shrug* your loss.

Labels: , ,