Adventures in Divorce

I always wondered why people who murdered their spouses didn't just get a divorce.... I now understand why

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Location: Nap Town, Indie-anne-ahhhhhh!, United States

No, I'm not a prophetess. Cassandra, according to Greek mythology, spurned the advances of the Greek god Apollo and her gift of prophecy was cursed so that her predictions would never be believed. Such is my life. I tend not to think like most people, which is a gift... but also a curse. So step into my mind, take off your shoes and stay for awhile... you're always welcome, loved ones.

August 22, 2008

No Soup for You! (a fucking rant)

DISCLAIMER: Do not proceed if you have a problem with the word "fuck" (or any of its derivatives) because it appears A LOT in the following rant. Please and thank you.

I fucking give up. Why is it so damn hard to find a (nice) guy who has more than every other second Saturday of every third months and only after 11:34pm to spend time with a sista??

I've tried to be open the idea of dating one person at a time thing, but ya know, it just doesn't seem to be working. Everybody is too fucking busy doing every damn thing with every damn body else in the world. I'm tired of being that understanding bitch who constantly says "Oh that's ok.... do what you gotta do..... another time then." Sometimes I just wanna be that irrational crazy bitch that all the guys say they don't want, but in the end really DO want, and scream "NO IT'S FUCKING NOT OK!" You claim you like me, you claim you wanna be this that and the other to me, well dammit, there's a cost. And again, being the cool, low-maintenance chick that I am, I don't demand expensive dates or trips or shopping or paying my muthafucking bills, all I ask for is TIME. Yes, time is money, but that's in fucking THEORY, dammit. You don't get a bill for time, and it keeps going whether you were to pay that bill or not.

And you know, I understand people are busy (there I go, being understanding again) and they have things going on in their lives that they have to attend to. I wouldn't want someone bitching and moaning at me about how I'm working too much or spending too much time with my kids or whatever. Do what you gotta do. Handle your business. But just know there's a consequence to "no time for you" and that is "no time for you either.... sorry." I'm sick of the "get in where you fit in" thing and being the one to jump to squeeze myself into the iota of time a guys has "free." I have a friend who I'm still otherwise cool with who still can't grasp the concept as to why he lost his privileges (and why I didn't want to be his boo), even though I've explained to him numerous times that it comes down to the fact that he has time for everything and everybody except me. That's how he chooses to utilize his time, which I'm not mad at..... like I said, we're still cool..... but there are consequences and repercussions to those choices. One of which is "no soup for you!" I don't get mad, I just give you the space that you obviously need more than having me around. Onward.

And going back to that irrational crazy bitch thing...... I'm convinced that guys really DON'T want that cool understanding chick that doesn't trip on them about every little thing. Or at least, the shit doesn't pay off and and the end of the day I'm the one looking stupid and disappointed because MFs take advantage and don't really appreciate how good they truly got it dealing with a chick like me. I think all men need some healthy level of fear of a woman (when I was married I called it "wife fear".... which my Ex had none), that desire not to hurt or upset her..... the fear of a woman's wrath. I am severely lacking in wrath, so my usual reaction is to just get ghost, leaving muthafuckers scratching their heads wondering "What the fuck just happened??" (my Ex is STILL asking that question) Perhaps I ought to re-train myself to start actually going off on a muthafucker every time I feel ever so slightly jilted, regardless of whether they can do anything about the situation or not. It may not be logical or rational, but at least that shit gets results, seemingly more so than being tolerant and understanding. I initially developed this tolerance out of necessity because The Ex really didn't give a fuck if he made me mad or upset, so instead of trying to change him I changed myself..... no sense getting mad over something you have no control of. But I think that's handicapped me in the long run because now I'm TOO damn passive passive aggressive. Like with this rant..... I already know that folks are gonna read this and get pissed. Oh well. I'm not pointing out any individual(s) in particular, but if the shoe fits, put that muthafucker on and run the Boston Marathon with it.

So I don't know.... maybe it's just a recurring "he's just not that into you" situation. I'm not conceited enough not to rule that out, but then again I'm also not so self-centered and self-loathing to assume that the reasons folks are so "busy" has anything to do with me and that they don't truly have anything truly important going on. Hey, do what you gotta do, good luck with that, best wishes and all, no hard feelings. All I know is that I'm tired of getting in where I fit in, tired of being low on the priority list, tired of getting effectively treated like the booty call that I am NOT. This is about ME and MY needs/desires/demands/conditions for companionship, and it really just comes down to whether one guy can meet those demands or not, plain and simple. If not, well...... no soup for you.

(ok, now I've got that out of my system.... whew! I feel (a little bit) better. And if you didn't watch the Seinfeld bit, you really should..... I'm not even a Seinfeld fan and that shit is hilarious to me. Plus it helps to know what the fuck I'm talking about.)

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1 Comments:

Anonymous Anesidora said...

This is a comment to this post from my girl, imported from another site. I liked her response so I wanted to share:

I love the word "fuck" and all of its derivatives. :)

Being the cool or low maintenance chick is no bueno. It never works out. When we allow ourselves to get pushed to the back burner, usually that's where a man is comfortable leaving us. (Until he's bored or has some "spare time.") Being the kind and understanding girlfriend who was supportive and long suffering didn't get me shit but hurt. I'm not saying it's better to be bossy, pushy, needy, or overbearing. No. But like you said, men definitely need to have some type of fear. Perhaps not fear that you'll fuck them up but fear that if you're not happy, everyone (including them) will suffer in one way or another. Fear they might lose their good thing.

I tried this a couple times. (Being understanding.) Effectively I became a doormat and the time these dudes weren't spending with me... they were spending with women who were much "bitchier" or (to put it kindly) willing to ask for what they want and get it because there was no alternative.

Now I'm a mix. I'm partially understanding (because I know we've all got lives) but I also let it be known that if our relationship isn't treated like its important I will a) be lead to believe its not and treat it that way as well or b) be very flipping unpleasant to be around whenever you do drag your sorry as by. Who likes to be around a fucking shrew? Not me. I'm much nicer if I'm getting my way (even some of the time) and I feel like reciprocal effort is being put into the situation. Hell, I'm even stupid nice if I think we're in it together.

Also, if you can't take me somewhere (or call) during decent hours you may as well kick rocks. We're not going to chill at my house right off the bat... I'm not going to come over your house and cook *you* dinner... you're not going to slide through here as a last stop (or a stop at all.) Gotta formulate some rules I suppose dear. You know men... they'll take things as far as they're allowed. Some direction never hurts. (And a man who doesn't want to comply to any of the above standards probably ain't worth the trouble anyway.)

We all end up getting what we truly feel in our heart we deserve. It's of the utmost importance to remember our worth and demand we're treated accordingly.

August 22, 2008 at 9:56 PM  

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Adventures in Divorce: No Soup for You! (a fucking rant)

No Soup for You! (a fucking rant)

DISCLAIMER: Do not proceed if you have a problem with the word "fuck" (or any of its derivatives) because it appears A LOT in the following rant. Please and thank you.

I fucking give up. Why is it so damn hard to find a (nice) guy who has more than every other second Saturday of every third months and only after 11:34pm to spend time with a sista??

I've tried to be open the idea of dating one person at a time thing, but ya know, it just doesn't seem to be working. Everybody is too fucking busy doing every damn thing with every damn body else in the world. I'm tired of being that understanding bitch who constantly says "Oh that's ok.... do what you gotta do..... another time then." Sometimes I just wanna be that irrational crazy bitch that all the guys say they don't want, but in the end really DO want, and scream "NO IT'S FUCKING NOT OK!" You claim you like me, you claim you wanna be this that and the other to me, well dammit, there's a cost. And again, being the cool, low-maintenance chick that I am, I don't demand expensive dates or trips or shopping or paying my muthafucking bills, all I ask for is TIME. Yes, time is money, but that's in fucking THEORY, dammit. You don't get a bill for time, and it keeps going whether you were to pay that bill or not.

And you know, I understand people are busy (there I go, being understanding again) and they have things going on in their lives that they have to attend to. I wouldn't want someone bitching and moaning at me about how I'm working too much or spending too much time with my kids or whatever. Do what you gotta do. Handle your business. But just know there's a consequence to "no time for you" and that is "no time for you either.... sorry." I'm sick of the "get in where you fit in" thing and being the one to jump to squeeze myself into the iota of time a guys has "free." I have a friend who I'm still otherwise cool with who still can't grasp the concept as to why he lost his privileges (and why I didn't want to be his boo), even though I've explained to him numerous times that it comes down to the fact that he has time for everything and everybody except me. That's how he chooses to utilize his time, which I'm not mad at..... like I said, we're still cool..... but there are consequences and repercussions to those choices. One of which is "no soup for you!" I don't get mad, I just give you the space that you obviously need more than having me around. Onward.

And going back to that irrational crazy bitch thing...... I'm convinced that guys really DON'T want that cool understanding chick that doesn't trip on them about every little thing. Or at least, the shit doesn't pay off and and the end of the day I'm the one looking stupid and disappointed because MFs take advantage and don't really appreciate how good they truly got it dealing with a chick like me. I think all men need some healthy level of fear of a woman (when I was married I called it "wife fear".... which my Ex had none), that desire not to hurt or upset her..... the fear of a woman's wrath. I am severely lacking in wrath, so my usual reaction is to just get ghost, leaving muthafuckers scratching their heads wondering "What the fuck just happened??" (my Ex is STILL asking that question) Perhaps I ought to re-train myself to start actually going off on a muthafucker every time I feel ever so slightly jilted, regardless of whether they can do anything about the situation or not. It may not be logical or rational, but at least that shit gets results, seemingly more so than being tolerant and understanding. I initially developed this tolerance out of necessity because The Ex really didn't give a fuck if he made me mad or upset, so instead of trying to change him I changed myself..... no sense getting mad over something you have no control of. But I think that's handicapped me in the long run because now I'm TOO damn passive passive aggressive. Like with this rant..... I already know that folks are gonna read this and get pissed. Oh well. I'm not pointing out any individual(s) in particular, but if the shoe fits, put that muthafucker on and run the Boston Marathon with it.

So I don't know.... maybe it's just a recurring "he's just not that into you" situation. I'm not conceited enough not to rule that out, but then again I'm also not so self-centered and self-loathing to assume that the reasons folks are so "busy" has anything to do with me and that they don't truly have anything truly important going on. Hey, do what you gotta do, good luck with that, best wishes and all, no hard feelings. All I know is that I'm tired of getting in where I fit in, tired of being low on the priority list, tired of getting effectively treated like the booty call that I am NOT. This is about ME and MY needs/desires/demands/conditions for companionship, and it really just comes down to whether one guy can meet those demands or not, plain and simple. If not, well...... no soup for you.

(ok, now I've got that out of my system.... whew! I feel (a little bit) better. And if you didn't watch the Seinfeld bit, you really should..... I'm not even a Seinfeld fan and that shit is hilarious to me. Plus it helps to know what the fuck I'm talking about.)

Labels: , ,