The Great DJ Brawl of '07

"Who gets into a fight with the DJ??" ~ William F. Baby, responding to the Great DJ Brawl of '07

To answer that question, I'll tell you who gets into a fight with the DJ...... The Ex. The Great DJ Brawl of '07 is what tipped my marriage from mere separation to an actively filed petition for divorce on the grounds that "this dude is crazy." Because, after all, who fights the DJ???

Alright, here's what happened.... it was mid August 2007, I'm at home chilling on a Tuesday night, coincidentally tinkering with a draft of my pro se divorce petition because I was tired of The Ex telling me to just "go ahead and get it over with" and telling me that he'd retained an attorney with the $2,000 he'd stolen out of my bank account a few days earlier. I get a text from my boy DJ Limelight who is DJing that night at Coaches (ah, the glorious old days of Take That Tuesdays at Coaches featuring Limelight and Metrognome *stares into the ether wistfully*) letting me know that The Ex was up in the spot. (Let me clarify that this was solely for the purpose of warning me of what I'd be walking into if I had planned to come down there, as he'd done on many occasions prior to that day..... just looking out for a sista so I could plan accordingly.) This was clearly an anomaly because The Ex NEVER went to Coaches unless he was looking for me..... and I wasn't buying the story that he was in there just to hand out fliers because the fliers were for an all black male review, and Coaches on Tuesday is probably 80% white hip-hop heads who could give a fuck less about Chocolate Thunder doing his thang. I think I'd had a few glasses of wine while sitting at my computer, so I texted The Ex saying "Sorry, I'm not there." For this I have apologized to my boy profusely because it was a wholly unnecessary, petty act on my part to send that message, and it set in motion the events constituting what I have now dubbed the Great DJ Brawl of '07.

Now, I was not there, so this is all second and third hand info that I have pieced together regarding what happened next..... but regardless of the disputed facts, it was still some effed up shyt. Allegedly, The Ex went over to the DJ booth (which sits up a few stairs near the entrance to the bar) and said something flippant to Limelight along the lines of "So are you fucking her too?" (he had this obsession with thinking that I was having relations with every single man in my life and could not grasp the idea that I did not leave him for another man, I left him because of who he is) and possibly some other stuff. You cannot talk crazy to a grown ass man and expect him just to take it, so off come the headphones and a confrontation ensues outside the bar. More words exchanged, blah blah blah, and supposedly The Ex does a move that I consider hella disrespectful..... the single finger forehead push. Aw man. Game Over. A skirmish breaks out between The Ex and Limelight with Limelight hitting The Ex and knocking him to the ground, and somehow DJ Metrognome gets into the fray trying to pull The Ex and Limelight apart. It was over very quickly, but the fact remains that "Dude, you got knocked the fuck out by the DJ."

Ok, so it wasn't really a "brawl", but the reason I call it such is because afterwards I get a call from my ex-mother-in-law, whooping and hollering at me about how I had my friends "jump" her son. He told my dad the same thing. Time out, let me explain a crucial fact: The Ex is a good 6'4", 280-300 lbs..... Limelight is probably 150, 160 max, soaking wet with nickels in his pockets. Same with Metrognome. Dude was obviously trying to save face after getting knocked by a dude half his size. The Ex has a totally different version of the story (more along the lines of the "I got jumped" theory) and doesn't understand why Limelight would ever possibly "attack" him. Well, besides the fact that you can't go up to and blatantly disrespect a grown ass man in his "house", he also witnessed you hit his home girl in public and you threatened to kill his best friend just a few months prior...... those facts alone are grounds for a beat down. This isn't the south side where you can intimidate people and get away with idle threats just because you're big and black. And I'm not buying his "I coulda fuck him up if I wanted to" bullshit. Whatever.

That following Thursday when I saw my two musical heroes they were all patched up with Hello Kitty band-aids on their elbows and forearms, and I ended up coming up off of $300 to replace Limelight's damaged kicks and jeans (cuz I felt bad for the bitchassed behavior of my not-quite-ex). And my boys still look out for me to this day, ready to have any MF who gets fresh with me tossed out on his arse. (And people wonder why I *heart* my DJs so much.)

So at that point, I knew it was time to do something..... the next day I was down at the clerk's office filing my petition and my appearance because this was just pure madness. Only too bad the drama didn't stop there..... oh yes, it was just the beginning.