Emotional Baggage Sundays - "Choices"

Once again, it's Sunday. *sigh* Time to haul out the baggage........If i can't dowhat i want to dothen my job is to notdo what i don't wantto do It's not the same thingbut it's the best i can do If i can't havewhat i want . . . thenmy job is to wantwhat i've gotand be satisfiedthat at least thereis something more to want Since i can't gowhere i needto go . . . then i must . . . gowhere the signs pointthrough always understandingparallel movementisn't lateral When i can't expresswhat i really feeli practice feelingwhat i can expressand none...

Pride Swallowing

"Might as well do something while you're doing nothin'." ~ Uncle Rico, "Napoleon Dynamite"Eight months ago, I quit my job. My 6-figure job. My "every law student dreams about this job" job. My "office on the 34th floor" job. I had to get out of there because between it and the divorce it was just too much to handle. I'd count myself as an extremely strong woman (I had a baby at 15 and 20 y'all, and STILL graduated with honors from every single educational institution that I ever attended from high school on up, and not just dean's list, but the baddest bitch on the block.... top business...

Realizations in You Life (My Mantras)

Over the past year I have really transformed my thinking and attitude as a way to cope with all of the upheaval and turmoil in my life. I'm sure I've used this quote before, but it bears repeating: “Sometimes God calms the storm, sometimes He calms the sailor.” The storm is not over, that's for sure, but what is over is my frenzied response to everything going on in my life. In 2005 I received a fortune cookie that said "You will come to realizations in you life that will change you forever." I held onto that fortune not only because the glaring typographical error tickled me, but it also...

A Logophile PSA

It has been brought to my attention that sometimes I use some Big Ass Words (a.k.a. $100 Words) in my blog posts. I honestly don't do this to be self-important, I do it because I'm a self-professed logophile (i.e. a word lover, from the Greek work "logos" meaning 'speech' and the suffix "-phile" meaning 'friend, lover'). When I was in law school, Webster and Black were my best buddies and we rolled (literally, in my rolling backpack because the text books were so effing heavy) everywhere together. Anytime I came across a word I didn't know (which was often) I'd stop and break out one or the...

The Slumber Party

This past weekend I had my first real "blended family" experience. Friday evening was Son's first high school football game.... Cathedral freshman vs. Carmel's (we got mollywhopped, 41-14). I went to the game with Daughter, and The Ex showed up with his new woman (she's 42.... I can't even call her his "girl" or "girlfriend"..... just doesn't sound right) and her daughter..... the nice happy new family unit. Whatever. So my Daughter and her daughter have become really close friends, since she is 10 and mine is 9. Admittedly, if I'm going to be all the way honest, I felt a bit threatened by...

No Soup for You! (a fucking rant)

DISCLAIMER: Do not proceed if you have a problem with the word "fuck" (or any of its derivatives) because it appears A LOT in the following rant. Please and thank you.I fucking give up. Why is it so damn hard to find a (nice) guy who has more than every other second Saturday of every third months and only after 11:34pm to spend time with a sista??I've tried to be open the idea of dating one person at a time thing, but ya know, it just doesn't seem to be working. Everybody is too fucking busy doing every damn thing with every damn body else in the world. I'm tired of being that understanding...

Dare to dream (yes sometimes I DO act like a girl)

I was at the mall yesterday (having lunch, no shopping for me) and saw these at Nordstrom..... I just about came on myself weeped in ecstasy:I must have these shoes. Never mind that they are $390 (ok, that's a lie.... I have never paid that much for shoes in my life). But I can just picture how fantabulous they would look perched at the end my fishnet clad legs this fall and winter. *drools* *fans self*The past several months (hell, the past year) has been killer on my finances. Add to that the fact that I haven't been working full time, and...

A Crash Course in Zen: Part I

Ok, let me go ahead and get this out of the way.......First let me clarify..... I'm not Buddhist but a lot of the concepts of Buddhism, and more particularly Zen, really appeal and speak to me. You can apply Zen principles in your life regardless of your religious beliefs.... it's more of a life philosophy than a religion. Anyway, on my back I have a tattoo (unfinished.... now accepting donations for the Tattoo Completion Fund) of a Dharmachakra (or Wheel of Dharma):It's a Buddhist symbol representing the Eightfold Path to Enlightenment, and...

Having it all, having nothing

I was talking to my friend today about our respective love (?) lives, and she was talking about how there's a guy that she's been friends with for a long time and she really feels like she has a connection and good chemistry, but she's not willing to take a chance to see if it could become anything serious because she's assuming that he's content just to play the field and she doesn't want to raise his expectations of him. Meanwhile she's started to date another guy she met on an online dating site because he has a good "resume" (nice, good job, handsome, seems considerate enough.... but that...

What's in a name?

"What's in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet."Romeo and Juliet (II, ii, 1-2)When you have been seeing/dating/wild rumpus-ing with someone for an appreciable amount of time, there comes a day where eventually the "What are we?/Where is this going?" question will arise. And once you get past the age of 22 are grown, it becomes an increasingly difficult question to answer, even though in theory it should be quite simple.For a logophile like me, labels are particularly difficult because I believe that words are only as good as the meaning that you ascribe...

Emotional Baggage Sundays, Part Deux

It seems like every Sunday (or at least every other Sunday) after a long weekend filled with good friends, good music, and yes, good drinks, I find myself sitting alone feeling melancholy about a number of things that I end up brooding over all afternoon, and then I end up posting some arcane bit of poetry or song lyrics or PostSecret postcard. So what's bothering me today? Might as well get it out:1. Oddly enough (or not so oddly, considering how I create my iTunes playlists) this song that is currently playing as I write this pretty much sums up what's been on my mind most of the day: The...

Emotional Baggage Sundays

(PostSecret 8/17/20...

Someone please expain this to me......

Timing.... that is an issue that has been vexing me lately, both due to my own situation and because my friends and I were recently discussing it. If it were the final question on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire, I would have to tell Meredith "Not me, I'm taking the cash and going home." It's an age old question and I really don't think there's an answer, but that's never stopped me from looking before. Here it goes:How long should you wait before having sex with a guy?and, as a follow up question:What are the implications of waiting vs. not waiting?I felt really bad last night talking to my........

Guest blogging

I recently wrote an article/posting on mediation for another blog that I frequently read, Blended Family Soap Opera. Since I'm so paranoid about having my personal info out here on the web and prefer to be somewhat incognegro when it comes to my blogging, I told her to exclude my name and contact info from the post (it's law related, so it was logical to include this info since I am currently a solo practitioner..... I guess I am anyway). But then that deadly sin of pride started poking at me and I wanted to somewhat claim my work, so in a compromise I'm providing a link to it here:"Mediation...

One Stop Shopping

Now comes my long overdue commentary on one of my most favorite songs of the current moment, "I'm Cheatin" by Dwele. If you've never heard the song, please take a few minutes to watch the video below before continuing reading, because I'd hate to ruin the light bulb moment experience that occurs about midway through the song when you realize what he's actually talking about:*pause* Done? Ok, onward.....So if you've never heard the song and didn't watch the video, you are lame you missed out and I'm just going to go ahead spoil it for you (last chance.... watch it). What Mr. Andwele Gardner...

The Great DJ Brawl of '07

"Who gets into a fight with the DJ??" ~ William F. Baby, responding to the Great DJ Brawl of '07To answer that question, I'll tell you who gets into a fight with the DJ...... The Ex. The Great DJ Brawl of '07 is what tipped my marriage from mere separation to an actively filed petition for divorce on the grounds that "this dude is crazy." Because, after all, who fights the DJ???Alright, here's what happened.... it was mid August 2007, I'm at home chilling on a Tuesday night, coincidentally tinkering with a draft of my pro se divorce petition because I was tired of The Ex telling me to just "go...

Coming at you in STEREO

For some odd reason which I've yet to determine, I've decided to "simulcast" my blog on Wordpress.com. I think I just wanted to play with the features on that site and next thing I knew I had a whole parallel site going on. So if you feel more comfy with Wordpress, well, now you have a choice. I guess. So... here ya go:Adventures in Divorce - Wordpress Editi...

It's Love.....I miss it 2

So I was having a brief convo via text with a girlfriend of mine about the state of my recently retreating libido (which is usually quite present and healthy), and I was telling her that while objectively sex has been good (nothing personal, my damie) I've just been feeling bleh and still just like I'm just in need of SOMETHING that I just couldn't quite place. At first I was thinking my sense of unease may be due to this cold I've been nursing since the beginning of July, but then my girl hit me with this response:"I know what it is. It's Love. I miss it 2."...to which my anti-female facade developed...

Huh?

I just have a lot of accumulated crap that I need to get out, so I don't know where this post is going, but it's basically centered around the confused and tangled mass that is my "love life". Being that I'm still disentangling myself from my first and only major relationship that started back in 1993, I'm really not in much rush to get "boo'd up" again. I'm quite enjoying being able to go where I want when I want without anyone questioning how, where, why or who (on my own time, of course.... this is separate and apart from my obligations to my kids). If I wanna go sit at Front Page on a Saturday...

"Tough titty said the kitty"

At a certain point in your child's life, you have to teach them how to stand up and deal with conflict on their own. Unfortunately, some parents never let that point happen (and that's when you go into courthouses and see momma standing up their next to her grown ass son at his child support hearing, ready to cuss out and/or fight his baby momma outside the court room), but I'm bound and determined not to let that occur to MY Son.I have had an ongoing problem during my divorce with The Ex wanting to talk to me on behalf of our 14 year old Son and attempt to intervene whenever he hears our Son...

Just until I find my own words again.....

It isTheWhat-IfsThe magnanimous possibilities of this lifeThis nowThis hourThis minuteThe next is unknownAnd that is ok!AlrightAll goodUh-huhCan't say what will break throughCan't say what will slide outKnock up the world todayBut I am soft and strongWilled and passionateMy dreams are of seeing and beingMore than what I amAnd these dreams don't take the low podiumNow that I knowWhat I knowAnd that don't fit into sizesOr parametersNothing can bar my exceptionalityWon't be wearing the silver medal,No medals at allMy muscle has grown and my back has vigorI am ready for the unspecifiedWhy shouldn't...

A fit of parapraxis

give me a minute to love youan hour to stare in your facea moment to praise your noseyour hands, your lips, your eyesdon't say laterdon't say tomorrowbecause the day's too busybecause the day's too hurriedtoo demandinggive me a week to hold youa second to play in your lashesa night to kiss your foreheadYour back, your feet, your fingersDon't say you're tiredDon't say you're anxiousbecause the world is callingbecause the world is heavyEver presentjust let me soothe youlet me put you in my mouth and hum sweet tuneslet me calm that oceangive me a daygive me four and moreto ease and please youlet...

Mental relapse

Today is one of those not so good bad days. One of those "Summer of 2007" days. Days when I wonder what the hell am I doing with/to/about myself days. Scared, lonely, sad, depressed, desperate days. People often ask me why I "put all my business out" in my blogs..... it's really because sometimes (like today) I just feel like I have nobody to talk to. For a brief second as I was standing in my kitchen crying I just wanted my mother.... but then I remembered that the usual outcome of my heart-to-heart, "I need help mom" converstions just ends up with either her yelling at me, her telling me...