Adventures in Divorce

I always wondered why people who murdered their spouses didn't just get a divorce.... I now understand why

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Location: Nap Town, Indie-anne-ahhhhhh!, United States

No, I'm not a prophetess. Cassandra, according to Greek mythology, spurned the advances of the Greek god Apollo and her gift of prophecy was cursed so that her predictions would never be believed. Such is my life. I tend not to think like most people, which is a gift... but also a curse. So step into my mind, take off your shoes and stay for awhile... you're always welcome, loved ones.

September 12, 2008

Supportive parenting (a RANT)

(WARNING: This is a pure, unadulterated rant. I'm not responsible for my language.....)

This evening is the Cathedral vs. Bishop Chatard varsity football game. Although it's not as sensational as the Cathedral vs. Carmel game that was aired on ESPN a few weeks ago, Chatard is still their arch rival so this is a big game for us. And although my Son is a freshman and is not on the varsity team (yet), I still am proud that he's a Fighting Irish, and whenever I'm proud of something or someone I tend to go all out. I love watching football when I have a personal interest in the players, whether directly or indirectly. I pull out the spirit wear, stand up and cheer, yell at the refs for bad calls, the whole 9. No passive spectating here.

So yesterday I called The Ex to let him know that I'd be at the game and that I could just bring Daughter to him there. He tells me oh that's great, but he wishes I would have told him earlier (mind you, I'm calling him the day before, not 2 hours before) because he assumed that I wasn't going to the game because he didn't think that was "my thing". I reminded him that this IS my first born child's high school, not to mention that my son is one of the captains of the freshman football team, and as such I need to show my support. Then I slightly clicked on him and told him that I'm not this unsupportive, slacker parent that he's made me out to be in his mind and to anyone else who will listen (again going back to hateration, to justify why he's "better off"). No, no no, he says, he wasn't trying to say all that (GTFOHWTBS!). Then he tells me that his new momma girlfriend and her daughter already had tickets but had given his away (I guess HE was going to something else), but he'd get another.

(ok, here it comes..... )

Why in the FUCK would you assume that I would not want to go to my OWN son's high school's football game, the son that I birthed at 15 and struggled to mold into a decent human being while I was still trying to figure out how to become one myself, when this woman who has know my child for all of 6 months is going??? And then why question me about not going, when you YOURSELF hadn't planned on going??? What kind of stupid fucked up logic is that?? I'll tell you what kind..... it's the sour grapes kind that has been so deeply ingrained in his mind that he believes his own bullshit down to the core to say dumb shit off the cuff like that without even thinking about it for 0.2 seconds.

One of his "complaints" about me when we were trying to sort through our issues during the separation was that he said I wasn't "family oriented" enough because I complained about going to all the sports events that my son was involved in (mostly AAU basketball), and he tells me that he found someone better who is more into that sort of thing. NO, this is what I complained about..... I complained about going to game after game after game multiple times a week and sitting there BY MY DAMN SELF while this ass clown spent the entire time talking to his friends, even to the point where I would be sitting in the bleachers and he would be up on the balcony that overlooks the basketball courts (for anyone familiar with the setup of ISSA). I got tired of being there trying to spend "family time" together and trying to talk to him about my day and he'd cut me off mid sentence or completely ignore me to talk to his buddies sitting there. I got tired of getting blown off whenever I would try and tell him that this bothered me. THAT is what my issue was, so yea, it got to the point where I got sick of going to the games to watch my son ride the bench (basketball was really never his thing, as hard as he tried) and then get completely ignored by my husband.

This is something that burns me up to no end (obviously), his painting the "bad parent" image of me. I was working a job at a fucking LAW FIRM, so no, I couldn't be around as much as he was with his 9 to 5 social work job. But all the sudden that shyt gets flipped on me and I'm the neglectful parent, even going so far as to tell me (and others) that he essentially raised those kids on his own. He wasn't saying that shit when this "neglectful parent's" income was paying for hundreds upon thousands of dollars in basketball clinics, admission fees, team fees, shoes, trips out of state, gymnastics classes, cheerleading fees, uniform costs, and everything else that was necessary to our kids' extracurricular activities. And when I complained about just wanting some time with him at those events, all the sudden it was "You don't want to be there." And yea, I'm not the stereotypical, yay rah suburban mom..... I'm fucking 30 years old with a 14 year old for fuck sake. Most women my age with kids still have them riding on thier hip. But I think I've done a pretty damn good job working with what I've got, and I for DAMN sure could be doing a helluva lot worse.

I really wanted to go completely ballistic on him for his comments yesterday, but I just let it go.... it would have been an exercise in futility, and I just wanted to stick to my policy of keeping our convos short, simple and civil. I know he says and does these things to justify his own situation that he's found himself in, but it still pisses me the fuck off. So yes, even though it is raining, and my child is not playing, and gas is $3.85, and I've just spent the past 14 hours with my locs in rollers which will instantly melt in the rain and humidity..... I'm going, dammit. Let's see if his old permed out woman will be out there doing the same.

Fin. Rant over.

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3 Comments:

Anonymous Sayitisn'tso said...

Wow!!! you need a drink. Don't let the EX fuel your fire like that...if you allow it, it just means he still has control...Take a WooSaa moment and ALWAYS ALWALYS keep your cool. That really messes with them...If you really want to get him...Make friends with the Nubie...Kill his ass with kindness. He won't know if you have a can of gasoline and a book of matches for him...WHAT!!!

September 15, 2008 at 3:44 PM  
Anonymous Anesidora said...

That is one thing I know I still struggle with.... letting him get to me like that. I never (ok, rarely) let him SEE me get upset like that.... that's why I have a blog to rant, like walking into an empty room, screaming my head off, and then calmly walking back out like nothing happened. And I know he doesn't read my blogs (yet).

Killing him with kindness generally has been my goal.... thus my reason for this:

http://adventuresindivorce.blogspot.com/2008/08/slumber-party.html

September 15, 2008 at 5:10 PM  
Anonymous Anesidora said...

Oh, and as a follow up.... she didn't show up. So there.

September 23, 2008 at 6:30 PM  

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Adventures in Divorce: Supportive parenting (a RANT)

Supportive parenting (a RANT)

(WARNING: This is a pure, unadulterated rant. I'm not responsible for my language.....)

This evening is the Cathedral vs. Bishop Chatard varsity football game. Although it's not as sensational as the Cathedral vs. Carmel game that was aired on ESPN a few weeks ago, Chatard is still their arch rival so this is a big game for us. And although my Son is a freshman and is not on the varsity team (yet), I still am proud that he's a Fighting Irish, and whenever I'm proud of something or someone I tend to go all out. I love watching football when I have a personal interest in the players, whether directly or indirectly. I pull out the spirit wear, stand up and cheer, yell at the refs for bad calls, the whole 9. No passive spectating here.

So yesterday I called The Ex to let him know that I'd be at the game and that I could just bring Daughter to him there. He tells me oh that's great, but he wishes I would have told him earlier (mind you, I'm calling him the day before, not 2 hours before) because he assumed that I wasn't going to the game because he didn't think that was "my thing". I reminded him that this IS my first born child's high school, not to mention that my son is one of the captains of the freshman football team, and as such I need to show my support. Then I slightly clicked on him and told him that I'm not this unsupportive, slacker parent that he's made me out to be in his mind and to anyone else who will listen (again going back to hateration, to justify why he's "better off"). No, no no, he says, he wasn't trying to say all that (GTFOHWTBS!). Then he tells me that his new momma girlfriend and her daughter already had tickets but had given his away (I guess HE was going to something else), but he'd get another.

(ok, here it comes..... )

Why in the FUCK would you assume that I would not want to go to my OWN son's high school's football game, the son that I birthed at 15 and struggled to mold into a decent human being while I was still trying to figure out how to become one myself, when this woman who has know my child for all of 6 months is going??? And then why question me about not going, when you YOURSELF hadn't planned on going??? What kind of stupid fucked up logic is that?? I'll tell you what kind..... it's the sour grapes kind that has been so deeply ingrained in his mind that he believes his own bullshit down to the core to say dumb shit off the cuff like that without even thinking about it for 0.2 seconds.

One of his "complaints" about me when we were trying to sort through our issues during the separation was that he said I wasn't "family oriented" enough because I complained about going to all the sports events that my son was involved in (mostly AAU basketball), and he tells me that he found someone better who is more into that sort of thing. NO, this is what I complained about..... I complained about going to game after game after game multiple times a week and sitting there BY MY DAMN SELF while this ass clown spent the entire time talking to his friends, even to the point where I would be sitting in the bleachers and he would be up on the balcony that overlooks the basketball courts (for anyone familiar with the setup of ISSA). I got tired of being there trying to spend "family time" together and trying to talk to him about my day and he'd cut me off mid sentence or completely ignore me to talk to his buddies sitting there. I got tired of getting blown off whenever I would try and tell him that this bothered me. THAT is what my issue was, so yea, it got to the point where I got sick of going to the games to watch my son ride the bench (basketball was really never his thing, as hard as he tried) and then get completely ignored by my husband.

This is something that burns me up to no end (obviously), his painting the "bad parent" image of me. I was working a job at a fucking LAW FIRM, so no, I couldn't be around as much as he was with his 9 to 5 social work job. But all the sudden that shyt gets flipped on me and I'm the neglectful parent, even going so far as to tell me (and others) that he essentially raised those kids on his own. He wasn't saying that shit when this "neglectful parent's" income was paying for hundreds upon thousands of dollars in basketball clinics, admission fees, team fees, shoes, trips out of state, gymnastics classes, cheerleading fees, uniform costs, and everything else that was necessary to our kids' extracurricular activities. And when I complained about just wanting some time with him at those events, all the sudden it was "You don't want to be there." And yea, I'm not the stereotypical, yay rah suburban mom..... I'm fucking 30 years old with a 14 year old for fuck sake. Most women my age with kids still have them riding on thier hip. But I think I've done a pretty damn good job working with what I've got, and I for DAMN sure could be doing a helluva lot worse.

I really wanted to go completely ballistic on him for his comments yesterday, but I just let it go.... it would have been an exercise in futility, and I just wanted to stick to my policy of keeping our convos short, simple and civil. I know he says and does these things to justify his own situation that he's found himself in, but it still pisses me the fuck off. So yes, even though it is raining, and my child is not playing, and gas is $3.85, and I've just spent the past 14 hours with my locs in rollers which will instantly melt in the rain and humidity..... I'm going, dammit. Let's see if his old permed out woman will be out there doing the same.

Fin. Rant over.

Labels: ,