Baby Daddy Drama

In the wake of divorce, the term "cooperative parenting" is an oxymoron. It is as if the embittered Ex has the brilliant idea that if he does everything in his power to inconvenience you and piss you off to the highest level of pissivity, it is somehow going to make you make you realize the error of your ways, change your mind and come back. Either that, or he just has a whole lot of bitchassness up in him (or her, as the case may be).

So here's a summary of the exchange that occurred this evening:

Me: (on the phone) What time are you coming to get the kids? (it is currently 5:35 pm, and he's scheduled to pick them up at 6 per the divorce decree)

The Ex: *sleepily* Errrm..... You want me to come pick them up??

Me: Yes, that's the arrangement..... I pick them up from you, you pick them up from me.

The Ex: Well......I guess I'll come get them now......

Me: I mean, I'm not saying you have to get them right this very moment, but I just was wanting to know what time you're planning on coming out here. (this is me, trying to be courteous)

The Ex: Ok, well I'll come get them in a few hours.

Me: How long is "a few hours"??

The Ex: Why do you need to know??

Me: I just need to know when you're coming.

The Ex: I said a few hours. *click*

So then the kids ask when dad is coming to get them and I say I don't know..... my son was wanting to know if I would have time to retwist all of his locs AND detangle a group that had grown together, to which I told him I didn't know because I didn't know when good ole dad was coming to get them. So my boy calls The Ex, and this is the general gist of the exchange (most of it via our son as the conduit, a serious no-no that I try to avoid):

Son: Dad says he wants to talk to you.

Me: No, I don't need to talk to him, I just need to know what time he's coming.

Son: Dad wants to know if you can just take us to camp in the morning. (WTF???)
Me: No. He's supposed to come pick you up this evening, so he needs to come get you this evening.

Son: Dad says that he's going to have us 2 weekends in a row (which is true, because we AGREED to trade weekends in a mutually beneficial manner) so he says why can't you just take us to camp in the morning? (what one has to do with the other I'm still not clear on)

Me: No, he's trying to punk me, he's coming to get you this evening.

Son: Just talk to him.... I don't want to play messenger. (I take the phone)

The Ex: Why can't you just take them to camp in the morning? (Gas is $4.198398402, that's why!!) Why are you so eager to get rid of them?? Why can't you just take care of them and do their hair??

(whole exchange re: our Son's locs.... he had told me several weeks ago that his new moo, I mean boo, had talked to my loctician and that he could fix the issue with his locs. He then tells me that he actually MADE him an appointment, and when I challenged him on it by asking whether he called to cancel said appointment--because my loctician blacklists no call/no shows-- he admitted that he was lying, or rather, bullshitting. He then says he's just not going to show up at all and hangs up.)

20 Minutes later......

The Ex (via text): I'm coming to get them at 8.

Me (via text): Ok thank you. That's all I was needing to know.

The Ex (via text): Why are you in such a hurry to get rid of them?? (*note: see the first verbal exchange to see why this question makes no effing sense)

Me (via text): See you at 8.

This is not the first time this argument has occurred.... in fact, it pretty much happens half the time that I'm attempting to get the kids back to him. Last time it was when I took my daughter an extra day so I could do her hair (and why he can't just take her to the shop or find some other bitch to do it, I have no clue) and he wouldn't let me bring her home when I was done. This is the same man who fought me tooth and nail to try and get full custody of the kids..... ran up a $6,000 legal bill (which he never paid), got the court to order a custody evaluation (which cost upwards of $10,000 typically; needless to say it never happened). Yet, when it comes time for him to resume his parenting time it's always a battle, with his principal argument being that I'm trying to "get rid of my kids". How about the fact that you're trying to avoid getting them back?? How about that one, buddy??

I really am just trying to live my life here with as little drama as possible. I try to give a little leeway on what's in the court order and try to be somewhat cooperative, and this is what I get. Sheesh......