June 24, 2008

Predictions of change (kind of eerie)

Saturday April 28th, 2007 is when the excrement hit the air conditioning with my marriage..... that day was a VERY VERY VERY bad day and was The Beginning of The End. I'm not going to go into the details of that night now, but I came across this post that I wrote 3 days before that day. Kind of eerie.......


Wednesday April 25th, 2007

I usually don't post before work, but I'm kinda feeling like.... yea. That. No, not that.... the other thing. Sensing winds of change coming, the tense and uncomfortable, yet comforting, anticipation of transition. Sure things change all the time, but there are those junctures in your life where everything makes a seismic shift. Who are those scientists who predict earthquakes?? *doing quick research* Oh yea, seismologists (duh)..... but seismologists say there's no way to accurately predict when an earthquake is coming, but the animals can.... they know everything before we do. So yea, I feel like that..... like something is coming, something big, and I better brace myself...... but I can't tell you how, when, where or how big or how long.

I feel certain connections with people slipping away.... not leaving my life, but dimishing in their role, while others move to the forfront. It hurts a little, but the prospect of new experiences is exciting.... if not a little daunting, just because it means I'm starting anew, and I will admit that I have a slight phobia of the new. Certain things I think have just run their unnaturally natural course..... and I guess I have to be fine with that. Nothing lasts forever.

Other things I know are done, over, finished, and I'm just biding my time waiting for the next thign to come along so I can shed and cleanse myself of such old, hurtful things. Waiting..... searching.....

Still others I know that I'm going to have to grip my hands around and manually wrest them into another form, because their current form is not working. These are what I'm most scared of, because I'm afraid of making the wrong move, making the wrong change......

So tears for the old, smiles for the new..... it's all life I suppose.... My friend of many many many years said at our class reunion last saturday that our cells completely replenish every 7 years, so basically every 7 years we are essentially a completely different person. Yea, I think that's right on time......

There've been times that I've thought I couldn't last for long
But now I think I'm able to carry on
It's been a long time coming
But I know a change is gonna come
~Sam Cooke


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