Priceless

Several months ago (pre-final divorce) I was talking to The Ex, and he made a comment to me to the effect of that he knows I'm new to the dating game and to make sure I'm not just "giving it up" without getting anything in return (this was in response to me saying that I'm not dating as much as he assumes I am) because I'm a special person and am worth more than that..... in other words "Don't give it away for free." This comment has been kind of bothering me over the past couple of days as I've let it roll around in my head for a bit, first because I didn't like the negative assumptions and implications that he put on me, but also, in the grander scheme of things, what does that really mean?? Does that mean I should have some sort of dollar amount in mind that some guy should spend on me before the relationship gets physical?

(and I'm not factoring in the religious/moral implications of relations outside of marriage..... yea yea, I know, but everyone does it anyway, and if you don't then good for you. Have a cookie.)

And if you're putting a dollar value on your goods, doesn't that make you a....... dare I say...... prostitute?? Ok yes I know I'm oversimplifying it and may be taking this logic to it's absurd extreme, but seriously....... if I'm demanding some level of quid pro quo when it comes to sex, and this amount is tied to the value of what I believe my "goods and services" are worth, that to me makes it seem like I'm just having sex so I can get something in return. Which is what courtesans do. Which I don't speak enough languages and am not well traveled enough to do.

But how about this novel idea..... sometimes some women want to have relations with a person for the same reason a man does, and doesn't WANT anything further from that person. And what she's receiving in return is her own pleasure. *gasp* Yea, I know..... scandalous. Women should ALLLLLL want romance and chivalry and roses and flowers and shit. But just as dating is putting in work for a man, it also take some work on the woman's part. Nobody's going to want to sit through a dinner (or two or 5 or 10) with you AND pay unless you can be nice and sweet and charming and appealing in ways that HE likes. Which is fine and good. But sometimes the dog and pony show gets tiring. And some people suck to talk to. And sometimes you just don't want to wait 6 weeks til he's spent the requisite dollar amount. And sometimes it's STILL the case that once he gets the goods he's done.... it's just delaying the inevitable.

Bottom line I guess is that I ain't mad at a woman if she wants to have herself a Friend With Benefits who doesn't spend a dime on her unless he happens to have a pizza there when she gets over there, and they don't talk about anything of substance or hold hands or get all kissy-kissy in public, and they simply have an "understanding". I believe that a woman's sexuality is NOT a prize to be won by the highest bidder, and I don't think women are always being taken advantage of when they CHOOSE to have relations with someone and that's it. Everything has it's time and place and purpose, and if she's satisfied with it and doesn't feel shortchanged or disrespected, then so be it. I tip my hat to those women who are good and patient and wait some minimum amount of time and dollar amount spent. But Nola Darling didn't just spring forth from the imagination of Spike Lee like some brand new and novel concept. Some of us like (and demand) physical intimacy a little more than others.......

I guess what I'm trying to say is that there is no dollar amount or material value that I can put on myself, so any rule with respect to that is simply an arbitrary one, thus making it no good really. The rules I impose upon myself to dictate my conduct will be tied to some other principal other than material. I am not for sale......I am priceless.