Baby Daddy Drama

In the wake of divorce, the term "cooperative parenting" is an oxymoron. It is as if the embittered Ex has the brilliant idea that if he does everything in his power to inconvenience you and piss you off to the highest level of pissivity, it is somehow going to make you make you realize the error of your ways, change your mind and come back. Either that, or he just has a whole lot of bitchassness up in him (or her, as the case may be).So here's a summary of the exchange that occurred this evening:Me: (on the phone) What time are you coming to get the kids? (it is currently 5:35 pm, and he's scheduled...

Picking your battles (a story about control)

The number 1 question I get after I tell people that I am recently divorced is "Why/what happened?" The answer to that is way more complicated than I care to wrap my brain around at that particular moment, so my rote answer is "We just grew apart." But it's way deeper than that. So here's another peek into my pre-divorce mind that sheds a wee bit of light on the question of "Why?"......***********Friday October 6, 2006So I'm sitting here at the computer, head stuck in the hot inferno that is my hair dryer, trying to convince my locs that, yes, you SHOULD be curly tomorrow, and hoping this setting...

Predictions of change (kind of eerie)

Saturday April 28th, 2007 is when the excrement hit the air conditioning with my marriage..... that day was a VERY VERY VERY bad day and was The Beginning of The End. I'm not going to go into the details of that night now, but I came across this post that I wrote 3 days before that day. Kind of eerie.......*********Wednesday April 25th, 2007I usually don't post before work, but I'm kinda feeling like.... yea. That. No, not that.... the other thing. Sensing winds of change coming, the tense and uncomfortable, yet comforting, anticipation of transition. Sure things change all the time, but there...

Love vs. Respect

I think there's a misconception that love is the most important factor in a relationship. While there are many, many elements that are necessary for a successful long term relationship (in my novice opinion), I think the most important element is RESPECT. Once respect is gone, everything else follows suit. Respect is what causes you to to considerate, respect is what causes you not to cause hurt and pain to your significant other (hereinafter referred to as "S.O."), respect is what makes you care and want to be the best you can be for your S.O.I think Machivelli had it right when he said that...

"And we're still together!"

This morning I woke up rather early (for me) and sat in my bed looking around bewildered, and my eyes stopped on two pictures of my grandparents in their youth that are stuck above my bulletin board. My grandparents stayed together til the end--that is, until my grandfather died of a heart attack, which I've heard family members say in anger that it was because my grandmother stressed him to death. I thought back to my childhood when I'd go visit my grandparents and how every night, without fail, a huge argument would break out between them and I'd end up shuttled off to my cousin's house to stay...

The secret to long life

According to some woman who is turning 110 today, her secret to long life was not getting married. Years ago I met a 90-something year old woman who said the same thing.Isn't there data that marriage increases life span true for both men AND women? I may have to research that one......Ok, after a quick Google search, here's what I found:"Australian researchers have found that marriage may add almost a year to a man's life, but it does little to boost the lifespan of women. A study of about 3,000 elderly men and women since 1988 found married men lived on average 11 months longer than their single...

WANTED: Cuddle Jump Off

I think I may have a problem. Ok, so I have many problems. But this particular problem deals with the fact that, for over 10 years, I always had someone to sleep in the bed with me. I'm not talking about sex here.... I'm talking about someone's physical presence next to me in my bed. Someone whom I could roll over and snuggle against his back for a few minutes and then roll over and go back to sleep, someone to reach over and give me a lil rub, someone whose rhythmic breathing was the normal background sounds to my sleeping every night. For the past year I've been doing without it..... I've...

Less Money, More Problems

We all know the song "More Money, More Problems"..... forget that. One major adjustment that comes with separation and divorce is adjusting to the sudden disappearance of one person's income. It doesn't matter if your spouse was making significantly less than you were (as was the case with me), the disappearance of 1/4 of your household income is something that takes some adjusting to. Needless to say, a few months ago I wasn't adjusting very well........(originally posted on October 24, 2007)I'm officially panicking right now about the state of my financial affairs. Not to get all into it,...

A lesson in jurisdiction

ju·ris·dic·tion /ˌdʒʊərɪsˈdɪkʃən/ [joor-is-dik-shuhn] –noun 1. the right, power, or authority to administer justice by hearing and determining controversies.2. power; authority; control: He has jurisdiction over all American soldiers in the area.3. the extent or range of judicial, law enforcement, or other authority: This case comes under the jurisdiction of the local police.4. the territory over which authority is exercised: All islands to the northwest are his jurisdiction. In law, jurisdiction (from the Latin ius, iuris meaning "law" and dicere meaning "to speak") is the practical authority...

Priceless

Several months ago (pre-final divorce) I was talking to The Ex, and he made a comment to me to the effect of that he knows I'm new to the dating game and to make sure I'm not just "giving it up" without getting anything in return (this was in response to me saying that I'm not dating as much as he assumes I am) because I'm a special person and am worth more than that..... in other words "Don't give it away for free." This comment has been kind of bothering me over the past couple of days as I've let it roll around in my head for a bit, first because I didn't like the negative assumptions and implications...

"....and if you need 'em I got crazy prophylactics...."

So I'm in Meijer today doing some early morning grocery shopping and I make my way over to the health and beauty section to pick up a few things before I check out. I'm meandering around, telling myself not to make the endcap makeup display impulse purchase, when I find myself, once again, walking past the condom display. This is not the first time I've wandered past the condom display, not just in this store but others as well..... Target, Walgreens, CVS, the gas station...... glancing but never having the guts to pick up a box. Being a newly single, educated, self-sufficient, healthy red-blooded...

*Truly* murder-worthy behavior

I posted this back in October 2007, so here's a lil background: When The Ex and I separated, I took my Civic and he took the Durango. Now when we bought the Durango 2 years earlier, I never wanted it. Gas was in the mid-$2 range and I knew we'd never be able to get rid of it. So when it came time for me to get a new car (yes, he got a new car before I did when I started working full time..... but that's a whole 'nother issue) I was responsible and got a much cheaper, much more fuel efficient car.Anyway, even though he took the Durango, I was still...

Man-Children

There are just some things that come with time and age, no matter how "mature" a person thinks they are. Last night I met this man-child at Level (on Wednesday it's cool....trust me) who tells me he's 22 and proceeds to give me the whole "I'm mature..... I got the experience of a 40 year old..... people tell me I don't act 22....... I'm going to the league" bullshit spiel. Thanks but no thanks, I'm good. Then I end up at The Pub on Mass Ave and lo and behold, once again it's Man-Child sitting with my group of folks, and he come and sits his big Man-Child self right next to me. After explaining...

A Little Background.....

My name is.... well, my name really isn't important. What is important is the fact that I am an almost 30-year old woman who has spent the last year of my life getting divorced, and even though the ink is dry on the final documents, I am still in the process of getting divorced. Divorce isn't just a break.... it's more like a disentanglement where you try to separate everything with the least amount of damage as possible. Unfortunately, damage avoidance is impossible.... financial damage, property damage, emotional damage, reputational damage..... I've been through it all. So here's basically...