September 15, 2009

That's not your wifey

I have a serious, major, infuriating pet peeve right now, and it concerns the word "Wife".

Today on Twitter, the trending topics of the day included #dontwifeher/#wifeher and #dontcuffhim/#cuffhim. Now, for all of my non-urban readers (or those of us who still have not had our Black Card reinstated), let me give you a little background on the terms:

1. wifing -- when a guy decides to make one girl, his number one. At this point he will be talking about loving you, buying you stuff.

2. wifey --
a. A REAL Lady, Not your only but your favourite, different from them hood rat chicks. Sexy in everyway possible, when she smiles it's sexy, even when she's mad at you it's sexy.
"I'm gon make her my wifey, she's not like them chicken heads round da way, she's a diamond in the rough"

b. a girl you care a lot about, she's more than just your girl.
"thats my wifey... so BACK UP"
("Cuffing" is just the male equivalent)

Contrast this with the definintion of the word:

wife  /waɪf/ –noun: a woman joined in marriage to a man; a woman considered in relation to her husband; spouse.

–verb (used without object), verb (used with object): Rare. wive.

—Idiom: take to wife, to marry (a particular woman): He took an heiress to wife.
Now, whether the Twitizens were talking about wife in the traditional sense of the word or in the "urban" sense of the word, this discussion pissed me off from both perspectives. First (for the traditional usage) who are all these never-been-married yahooligans to have an opinion on what makes good marriage material? Now I admit some of them were just being silly (like "#dontwifeher if she has a moustache") but other people acted like they were imparting some real knowledge and pearls of wisdom the people of the world. And to that I say GTFOHWTBS. If you have never been married--let alone had a serious relationship that has lasted more than a year-- to know what qualities make for a good relationship......STFU.
However, what really irks me and irriates me to no end is the use of the term "wife" or "wifey" to describe someone who is just a girlfriend. You can tell just by the definititions given on how ignorant this concept is ("buying you stuff"?? Really???). I don't give a flying fig if she's your "number one" girlfriend, "only" girlfriend, "serious" girlfriend, or a girlfriend that you would consider "wife material"..... she's still JUST A GIRLFRIEND. I cannot stand how the terms are just thrown around loosely, which to me undermines and degrades the meaning of what a wife really is. "Wife" is a term that should be reserved for the person you are married to, not just the person you kick it with all the time and whom you've decided to ignore other women's text messages for (or don't cheat on "as much"). Your wife is the person to whom you have made the ultimate commitment to, not just in words but in actions before God and/or the law. Your wife is who you build a life with.... your friend, lover, companion, supporter, comforter, the one who you sacrafice for and who sacrafices for you. A wife is not someone who you just think about or talk about maybe loving, it is the woman you LOVE. When you have a wife, you are ALL IN.... you don't have one leg over the fence just in case you need to hop back over it real fast. I don't care how serious your relationship is... until you say those vows and exchange those rings, the term "wife" should not be used.

Yes, you could argue that it's just a word used in the popular vernacular to mean girlfriend and it's not that deep. And to that I shake my cane at you disagree..... I'm not buying the Humpty Dumpty argument this time around. Having been a wife, I am insulted by the use of the word outside of the marriage context, just like I am insulted when people use the suffix "Esq." behind their name and they are not attorneys, same way someone with an MD or PhD would be insulted if someone used the title "Dr." in front of his name. You do not earn the title and status of wife, or status of having a wife, without that work and commitment, and until you do you don't deserve the same level of reverence and respect.

*drops mic*


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