Let's do business (or not)

Today I finally got my new business cards for my new job, so I am OFFICIAL. *Yay me!* There's no greater feeling (ok, so maybe I can think of a few) than being able to whip out your business card instead of trying to fumble for a piece of paper and pen, or doing the forehead to forehead thing trying to get your number into someone's phone. Business cards are a quick, simple, and efficient way to pass on your contact information.

However, on this new set of business cards I left off my cell number and my work direct dial (the firm is a-ok with that.... they don't believe clients should have unlimited access to you at all times). The reason for this is due to a lesson I learned at my last job by putting my cell number on my cards, and that is this: guys will shamelessly try and holla at you under the guise of wanting to do business.

Here's how it goes down: You're out somewhere at a quasi-business social event (which can be damn near anything) and a guy approaches you. Here's the typical dialogue:

Guy: So what do you do for a living?
Me: I'm an attorney.
Guy: Oh really? I could use a good attorney! (everyone can always use a good attorney, without fail) [Insert optional story about suspended license/baby momma drama/Cousin Pookie in jail]
Me: Ok, well I only do business and corporate law.
Guy: That's great, because I've got this business I'm trying to get off the ground/know someone who wants to invest in my existing business/have a contract I need reviewed.
Me: *trying not to look skeptical* Um, well ok I may be able to help you out with that.
Guy: Do you have a card?
Me: *hesitantly reaches into Bettie Page card case* Sure.
Guy: Thanks! I'll give you a call sometime next week to talk about it.

*3 days later*

Message on Voice Mail: Hey, this is ___________. Remember me from XYZ Spot last Friday? I was wondering if we could get together and I can take you out to dinner sometime and get to know you better......

And that, loved ones, is the Holla Under the Guise of Doing Business (since I like undecipherable acronyms, let's call it HUGDB). It's hard to screen out because you don't want to blow people off who legitimately want to do business with you and you don't want to make assumptions about what a person can and cannot afford, but 95% of the time it's crap. But it's that 5% that you don't want to piss off, because you can pick up clients ANYWHERE (I actually had a client whom I only see when I go out, and we've discussed business right there at the bar).

Guys may see this as a legitimate way to get "in" with a woman, but it irritates the fuck out of me. On some levels it's a slap in the face to my professionalism when guys treat my profession as merely a way to get my number, because they're basically bullshitting me. And I don't like being bullshitted. And I also take it as an insult to my intelligence, which I take kindly to even less.

(This also raises another issue that I won't fully delve into here because I will end up on a tirade, but this highlights the challenges faced by female professionals, especially attractive female professionals. There's a certain level of schmoozing that has to go on to facilitate business relationships, and unfortunately this manifests itself as flirting and coquettishness when it comes to women. Some level of it its necessary and acceptable, but too often it is abused and nothing (i.e. no money changing hands) comes of it. I'm all for taking one for the team, but it has its limits.)

So guys, as tempting and easy as the HUGDB may seem, please don't do it. If your intentions are to ask a woman out, just be up front about that. Don't assume that just because a woman gives you her card it means that she's single and interested... it may just mean that she's a professional who is legitimately trying to network. It will save both of you a lot of time and embarrassment when you call 3 days later and get the blow off because you bullshitted her and are playing with her money (which, as Big Worm said, is like playing with her emotions.... bad business). Also, don't take it a step further and play along like you really want to do business with her (for example, setting up a lunch "meeting") in hopes that she will be just that charmed by you that she will forget the fact that you are bullshitting her. That just makes it worse.

(ok, so I once fell for the "We should do lunch" line that ended in [CENSORED], but we'd already met and talked several times before, and had been feeling each other and had obvious chemistry prior to the HUGDB.... I knew it was BS up front but proceeded for other reasons. But I digress.....)

Just treat me like the professional that I am.... that's all I ask.