Adventures in Divorce

I always wondered why people who murdered their spouses didn't just get a divorce.... I now understand why

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Location: Nap Town, Indie-anne-ahhhhhh!, United States

No, I'm not a prophetess. Cassandra, according to Greek mythology, spurned the advances of the Greek god Apollo and her gift of prophecy was cursed so that her predictions would never be believed. Such is my life. I tend not to think like most people, which is a gift... but also a curse. So step into my mind, take off your shoes and stay for awhile... you're always welcome, loved ones.

December 10, 2008

Please, Karma, not my hair.....

If there is one lesson I have learned in the last year and a half of my adventures in divorce, it is this: Karma is a hellafide bitch. And just when you think she's done with you, here she comes from around the corner again with her rusty fork to jab you in the arse a few more times. Karma doesn't just come at you in the direct, obvious forms.... oh no, she's much craftier than that. Like the obvious consequence of my... uh.... indiscretions wasn't just my dramatical divorce, my emotional break down, and the major upheaval of my life in general. Oh no.... she keeps coming at me in new and exciting ways that I'd never imagined! And the newest incarnation of Karma's wrath is to fuck with........

.......My Hair.

Yes, loved ones, Karma has made it such that my hair stylist of 8 years may no longer accessible to me. The only man I have ever felt 100% comfortable doing my hair, both before and after I started my locs. The man who is THE MAN when it comes to locs. The man responsible for folks coming up to me saying "Hey, you look really familiar" because I used to do modeling for him and was all over his marketing materials and business cards. The man whom I can go to, sit in his chair, say "I'm not really sure what I want" and he gives me exactly what I want. The man responsible for doing my hair and photos featured in this video.

I know this seems really odd and random, but it's directly related to my.... uh.... indiscretions. Recently my loctician changed shops.... he was previously at an otherwise all white salon and was the only black stylist in the shop. He had his own private room, nice and spacious, where we could chat and listen to music and carry on as we do. So last month he moved to an all black salon that specializes in natural hair. I actually had my son's locs started there and had been there at least once myself. So what's the problem, you ask? Well, a few years ago the shop changed ownership, and is now owned by...... can you guess? *waits 5 seconds for you to guess* That's right, my.... uh..... "co-conspirator's" wife. *long Napoleonic Dynamite sigh* Needless to say, she told my loctician that I am banned from coming into the shop. My stylist said he was going to talk to her about it (because I am his client, not the shop's, and I've been his client for 8 years, and he said he really didn't give a flying fig what went on in other people's personal lives, and it was all just business), but as of yet, I haven't heard back from him, which means I can only assume that this is still a yet unresolved issue between him and "management".

Now, I understand that I we did a bad thing. I know this. And I know people were hurt by it. And I've paid for it 10 times over (thus the reason this blog is even in existence). But all I want is to be able to go to my hair stylist. Period. That's it. This is not a situation where I'm trying to get into her shop just to fuck with her.... I don't want to see her any more than she wants to see me. I have MAD HISTORY with my hair stylist so it has nothing to do with her, her husband, or her shop. I tell people all the time that my loctician (and also my nail tech) could set up shop in a crack house and I would be there kicking glass pipes aside to sit in his chair. And I'm sure 99% of his other clients feel the same way.

(*Sick and ironic side note: The building where the salon is located is also the building in which I got married in 1999. It used to be a wedding chapel until there was a fire in the building, which someone else bought and turned into a hair salon. I stood right on the bricks in front of the picture window in the front and said my "I do's" almost 10 years ago. Fate is a cruel and evil bitch sometimes, too.)

I can understand that she hates my guts and wishes for the cessation of my very existence doesn't like me. But dammit, this is business. Personally, nothing would please me more than to take the hard earned money of my arch nemesis. But perhaps being the top undergraduate business student in my class and being an overly analytical lawyer has my brain wired differently. I dunno. She works a 9 to 5, so I know there are plenty of times when she's not there when I could come in for 2 hours, 3 or 4 times a year and get my hair done and be on about my merry way. Like my BFF in London says, it's not like I'm asking to come to their house for tea and crumpets. And perhaps I could accept and understand this a little better if not for the fact that just a few months ago she was sending me e-mail invites to events at her shop (which I politely declined) and sending me (and directly to me personally.... not a mass distribution) natural hair surveys asking that I forward them on to my network (which I politely did). Which then raises the question..... who is really being petty, and who is trying to fuck with who here?? Even throughout all this mess, all this drama, I've always respected her business and have had nothing but positive things to say about her shop. Whenever people ask me for referrals for non-loc natural hair services, I ALWAYS refer them to that shop. I have a greater purpose in mind, and that is to encourage black women to embrace their natural hair, and part of that is having access to people who can help them with that, regardless of my personal history or feelings with anyone. *refrains from fully stepping onto natural hair soap box*

So, because it's come down to the last minute and I really need to get my hair done for my beau's company holiday dinner on Thursday, I went ahead and sucked it up and called my loctician's former assistant/apprentice who is still doing locs at their prior location (she stayed behind and is doing her own thing). I'm hoping that this isn't a permanent switch for me (though I am fully confident in her abilities as a stylist and have heard good things about her) but rather a temporary fix to get me over this hump while I resolve these issues with my loctician. I don't want to have to take my business elsewhere over all this, because I really don't think it's necessary, but if I have to I guess I will..... and all my other friends' and associates' business with me. But I will always and forever give my loctician credit as being the baddest loc artist on BOTH sides of the Mississippi, and on either side of the Pond as well, and none of this mess will affect my respect and admiration of him as an artist and business professional.


(I could be a helluva lot more malicious and petty in reaction to this right about now..... because really I am still VERY upset about the situation for a number of reasons I'm not going to go into here and now, and I AM still a female (and you know how the saying goes, "Hell hath no fury........"). But for now, I'm going to be the bigger person, as I really try to be, even when it is to my detriment and I have no reason to be but for the sake of principle. We'll see how this unfolds, though..... we shall see, loved ones.)

To be continued......

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6 Comments:

Anonymous Jaded said...

Had to comment because guess what Ansiedora!!! My heartbreaker's gf is none other than a FREAKING ! Hairdresser!!!

I almost fell out when I read that?!? How uncanny!

I used to have nightmares that she was mine. (um I am most def. a hair person. face can look great clothes can be fab but if my hair looks like shit...it's over.) So these really were nightmares.

And how small of a world is it that he happens to move to her salon???

What about house calls? That may be a good alternative for now.

December 10, 2008 at 2:05 PM  
Anonymous ladebelle said...

dang... i barely have words for the irony here... this is BO-nanas (not just the regular bananas).

as i heard on ur tweet today, the apprentice did a good job so at least that's good...

but dayum!!

December 10, 2008 at 8:37 PM  
Anonymous Anesidora said...

@ladebelle: I told you it was a helluva story....

December 10, 2008 at 9:05 PM  
Anonymous QB said...

I'm kinda with Jaded here what about house calls?


also I can see why she wouldnt want you in the salon while she is there but if she works 9 to 5 and you can go in when she isnt there it shouldnt be a problem.

messing with a woman's hair stylist is a serious crime. A good hairstylist or a hairstylist that works well for you is SUPER important... i changed stylists for awhile b/c i had a chance to get free/cheap cuts/colors but they did not make up for GOOD.... augh I can't imagine losing my stylist!

I hope the situation works out for you!

December 10, 2008 at 10:29 PM  
Anonymous Anesidora said...

@ Jaded and QB: I can't see him doing house calls. That's just not his style, and I can just HEAR his response starting out with "Honey, you know I love you to death, but ain't no way in the hell...."

December 10, 2008 at 10:56 PM  
Anonymous Kela said...

Wow! That's crazy on so many different levels. Although I've never been cheated on, nor have I been a cheater, I can still imagine how that would feel. Maybe this sistah just isn't ready to deal with even the possibility of coming face to face with you, yet. It might rebirth all of her insecurities. I know you said that you suffered as a result of the affair, but that was by your own doing. This sistah had no choice; it was done to her. If I were in your position, I would respect her wishes and allow her time to heal. If she chooses to, allow her time to work on her marriage and try to hold her family together. I know your hair is important, but I imagine this sistah's family is more important than your hair. Whether you inadvertently or purposely did this to her the damage is done.Be the bigger person and allow this sistah to work out her own issues before you prematurely cause further damage. You said it best; the universe definitely has a way of correcting itself.

With that said, I'm not passing judgment. I definitely have been in certain situations and awaken the next morning wondering how I arrived at that point. I respect your honesty, your ability to check yourself and more importantly, your willingness to learn from your mistakes. It's the very reason I enjoy this blog.

December 13, 2008 at 5:20 PM  

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Adventures in Divorce: Please, Karma, not my hair.....

Please, Karma, not my hair.....

If there is one lesson I have learned in the last year and a half of my adventures in divorce, it is this: Karma is a hellafide bitch. And just when you think she's done with you, here she comes from around the corner again with her rusty fork to jab you in the arse a few more times. Karma doesn't just come at you in the direct, obvious forms.... oh no, she's much craftier than that. Like the obvious consequence of my... uh.... indiscretions wasn't just my dramatical divorce, my emotional break down, and the major upheaval of my life in general. Oh no.... she keeps coming at me in new and exciting ways that I'd never imagined! And the newest incarnation of Karma's wrath is to fuck with........

.......My Hair.

Yes, loved ones, Karma has made it such that my hair stylist of 8 years may no longer accessible to me. The only man I have ever felt 100% comfortable doing my hair, both before and after I started my locs. The man who is THE MAN when it comes to locs. The man responsible for folks coming up to me saying "Hey, you look really familiar" because I used to do modeling for him and was all over his marketing materials and business cards. The man whom I can go to, sit in his chair, say "I'm not really sure what I want" and he gives me exactly what I want. The man responsible for doing my hair and photos featured in this video.

I know this seems really odd and random, but it's directly related to my.... uh.... indiscretions. Recently my loctician changed shops.... he was previously at an otherwise all white salon and was the only black stylist in the shop. He had his own private room, nice and spacious, where we could chat and listen to music and carry on as we do. So last month he moved to an all black salon that specializes in natural hair. I actually had my son's locs started there and had been there at least once myself. So what's the problem, you ask? Well, a few years ago the shop changed ownership, and is now owned by...... can you guess? *waits 5 seconds for you to guess* That's right, my.... uh..... "co-conspirator's" wife. *long Napoleonic Dynamite sigh* Needless to say, she told my loctician that I am banned from coming into the shop. My stylist said he was going to talk to her about it (because I am his client, not the shop's, and I've been his client for 8 years, and he said he really didn't give a flying fig what went on in other people's personal lives, and it was all just business), but as of yet, I haven't heard back from him, which means I can only assume that this is still a yet unresolved issue between him and "management".

Now, I understand that I we did a bad thing. I know this. And I know people were hurt by it. And I've paid for it 10 times over (thus the reason this blog is even in existence). But all I want is to be able to go to my hair stylist. Period. That's it. This is not a situation where I'm trying to get into her shop just to fuck with her.... I don't want to see her any more than she wants to see me. I have MAD HISTORY with my hair stylist so it has nothing to do with her, her husband, or her shop. I tell people all the time that my loctician (and also my nail tech) could set up shop in a crack house and I would be there kicking glass pipes aside to sit in his chair. And I'm sure 99% of his other clients feel the same way.

(*Sick and ironic side note: The building where the salon is located is also the building in which I got married in 1999. It used to be a wedding chapel until there was a fire in the building, which someone else bought and turned into a hair salon. I stood right on the bricks in front of the picture window in the front and said my "I do's" almost 10 years ago. Fate is a cruel and evil bitch sometimes, too.)

I can understand that she hates my guts and wishes for the cessation of my very existence doesn't like me. But dammit, this is business. Personally, nothing would please me more than to take the hard earned money of my arch nemesis. But perhaps being the top undergraduate business student in my class and being an overly analytical lawyer has my brain wired differently. I dunno. She works a 9 to 5, so I know there are plenty of times when she's not there when I could come in for 2 hours, 3 or 4 times a year and get my hair done and be on about my merry way. Like my BFF in London says, it's not like I'm asking to come to their house for tea and crumpets. And perhaps I could accept and understand this a little better if not for the fact that just a few months ago she was sending me e-mail invites to events at her shop (which I politely declined) and sending me (and directly to me personally.... not a mass distribution) natural hair surveys asking that I forward them on to my network (which I politely did). Which then raises the question..... who is really being petty, and who is trying to fuck with who here?? Even throughout all this mess, all this drama, I've always respected her business and have had nothing but positive things to say about her shop. Whenever people ask me for referrals for non-loc natural hair services, I ALWAYS refer them to that shop. I have a greater purpose in mind, and that is to encourage black women to embrace their natural hair, and part of that is having access to people who can help them with that, regardless of my personal history or feelings with anyone. *refrains from fully stepping onto natural hair soap box*

So, because it's come down to the last minute and I really need to get my hair done for my beau's company holiday dinner on Thursday, I went ahead and sucked it up and called my loctician's former assistant/apprentice who is still doing locs at their prior location (she stayed behind and is doing her own thing). I'm hoping that this isn't a permanent switch for me (though I am fully confident in her abilities as a stylist and have heard good things about her) but rather a temporary fix to get me over this hump while I resolve these issues with my loctician. I don't want to have to take my business elsewhere over all this, because I really don't think it's necessary, but if I have to I guess I will..... and all my other friends' and associates' business with me. But I will always and forever give my loctician credit as being the baddest loc artist on BOTH sides of the Mississippi, and on either side of the Pond as well, and none of this mess will affect my respect and admiration of him as an artist and business professional.


(I could be a helluva lot more malicious and petty in reaction to this right about now..... because really I am still VERY upset about the situation for a number of reasons I'm not going to go into here and now, and I AM still a female (and you know how the saying goes, "Hell hath no fury........"). But for now, I'm going to be the bigger person, as I really try to be, even when it is to my detriment and I have no reason to be but for the sake of principle. We'll see how this unfolds, though..... we shall see, loved ones.)

To be continued......

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