In Her Shoes

So I had my appointment with my "new" loctician (who BTW I really liked and did a great job cutting my hair.... got about 3-4" lopped off but I think it's still plenty long.... seems to be more of a surprise to other folks more than it is to me, maybe because I rarely saw the back of my own head......). On my way to my appointment, I had a conversation with a friend of mine (my personal Zen Master of sorts) who was basically telling me that I need to suck it up, take the L, and let the whole loctician situation go. *deep heavy sigh* I asked for his reaction to my blog post from yesterday, and here's the edited, abridged, and redacted version of our conversation:

********************

Me: Thoughts?
ZM: i know it sucks to lose something valuable to you in this. *here comes the but*
ZM: but you don't know where this woman is in the healing process and thru this entire thing she has had zero leverage. she was the one who was hurt that had no control over the situation. so now she does and i gotta understand her desire to not give that up for you. I'm sure you know the second part...but the first part is the most important.
ZM: you've never been dumped even. i was the same way as you once until my heart was truly crushed and it took over two years to get over it...and it was not by _______
ZM: when it was hurt like that i felt to stupid for not understanding ________ and how she acted during our breakup.
ZM: so stupid
ZM: hopefully u will never know that type of pain luv....but if you ever do you will look back on his blog differently guaranteed

Me: I'm zealously advocating for myself here
Me: Maybe I'm mad cuz __________ is making ME out to be the petty one
ZM: i would not call it petty. i would say you don't know how she feels. u can't. therefore you can't be totally held liable for not being able to be in her shoes. if you had, you would not even be able to be upset at the situation.

Me: And can I say that I have been hurt in all this, so don't I get some leeway to be an irrational bitch, too?
ZM: .....you can always be irrational and act out if you like
Me: LOL
ZM: you can be selfish or evil or anything else you like if you want too.
Me: :(
ZM: I'm not saying you are
ZM: I'm saying you can
ZM: its your right. its like when white people get indignant about how "black get stuff for free". if they were black and truly "got it" then they wouldn't see that way
ZM: they have always been white. the majority. they don't realize the everyday subliminal benefits
ZM: its the same in this case
ZM: you are upset because you have never had to process that type of pain
ZM: if you would then you would get it and just accept it as part of life. you would not have anything to be upset about.

ZM: so hopefully you never will get it...but trust me on this. you don't understand where she is in the healing process
ZM: btw...you are still my friend and I'll support any rant you are on based off that alone. :)
Me: I fully understand what you are saying
Me: And that's why I started off that post on the subject of Karma
Me: And took the approach I did
Me: **long sigh**
Me: I wrote a post a few months ago about heartbreak
Me: And how it's the 1st time I've dealt with it
Me: Its not the same, I know
Me: But it was a nice lil portion
ZM: yeah i know. I'm not saying you don't know heartbreak
ZM: i know u do

Me: Guess I just gotta wait til the Universe is done fuckin with me on this one
Me: That's why I'm not big on revenge, cuz the Universe rights itself
ZM: u said it best in your other blog. sometime a person thinks they been thru it but its plain to anyone that has been thru it that the other has not. so how u feel is totally normal based on your level of past hurt
ZM: lol...and the universe does right itself

*********************

I mean, what can I really say to that?? As much as it is causing deep, painful visceral reactions in the core of my being, I have to say...... he's right. *recovers from violent convulsions* A good attorney not only knows and understands her own argument, but the other side's as well.... just as well, if not better than, her own. And my friend gave me a fairly compelling argument for the other side today. I'm not even going to expound on it because I think his words summed it up pretty well.

(Sidenote: I really appreciate friends who have the cajones to disagree with you and tell you when you're wrong, and tell you what they know you don't want to hear. Anybody can tell you want they think you want to hear. I believe that real friends will tell you when you're right AND when you're wrong.)

I have to finish processing all this..... I have a lot of conflicting thoughts that are swirling around dredging up old shyt that I've done my best to settle, and creating a big ole pot of Rage Soup that's threatening to boil over and burn up everything in its path (I actually wrote a bunch of other shyt, took it out, put it back, and then took it out again.... don't worry, loved ones, I have it saved for another day). But for now I'm just going to woo sah this out, bring myself back to the present moment, and enjoy my new haircut.

Again, to be continued......