Emotional Baggage Sundays

Lemme go ahead and get this out real quick......

1. I'm starting to get really worried about my mother.... I thought she would be out of the hospital by this weekend, but I haven't heard any indication of when they're going transfer out of the ICU, let alone let her go home. She's been there for 2 full weeks now. Now they're trying to figure out why she's having a hard time eating. Seems like they're having to treat everything but the original condition she went in for. She just hasn't been taking care of herself (though I'm not one to talk.... just took my blood pressure in the mall today and it was 155/110). This time of year is especially hard on my mother (see below), which makes me worry about her more with her coming home right at holiday time. I also know I'm going to have to figure out the best way to arrange their house so that she doesn't have to go up and down the stairs because my dad's sense of logic seems to be waning over the years, and they will undoubtedly end up arguing over whether it's best to have her posted up upstairs or downstairs. I'm still worried that regardless of how we set it up, she'll disregard doctor's orders and overdo it anyway. *sigh*

2. I'm hoping Mom will be out by Thanksgiving, but Thanksgiving is going to suck regardless because there's nobody here but us (my parents, me and my kids), and she certainly is going to be in no condition to cook. My sister says she can't come for Thanksgiving because she needs to stay home and clean her house and go grocery shopping. *pause* Anyway, I think I'm going to just make a small meal myself with just the basics: turkey breast (not a whole turkey), greens, sweet potatoes, mac 'n cheese and dressing, and of course my famous sweet potato pie (ok, famous amongst my family members anyway). I actually enjoy cooking when I want to. Or perhaps we'll just end up going out to dinner (though I don't like the prospect of no leftovers). Guess I'll just make the best of it.

3. Today is the anniversary of both my grandfathers' deaths. By some terribly sick and bizarre coincidence, they both died on my dad's birthday a few years apart. I don't know why, but I've always felt like my Grandpa David represents ultimate unconditional love for me. I miss ice cream cones from McDonalds and being called his doodlebug.

4. As I mentioned, today is my dad's 60th birthday, and I'm sad because I'm too broke to do anything special. My mother wants to get him a turntable that converts vinyl records to MP3s, which is one of those things that I should be able to just go out and buy myself. I can't even go in on it, being that I'm having to borrow money from them (again) to get me by til I get paid from my contract job next month. My mom's 61st birthday was last week and I wasn't able to do anything special for her, either. In my mind I'd pictured doing real birthday parties for the both of them when they turned 60.

5. I know things are going to turn around after the first of the year, but right now I'm broke as......!!! And the more holiday ads I see, the more anxious it makes me. I should be ok by mid-December when some of my invoices get paid, but til then I'm kinda quite hurt.

That's not all, but that is all. On to proceed with the business of living, loved ones.