Brady Bunch Dating

Thursday morning on the Russ Parr Morning Show there was a discussion about women who refuse to date men with kids. These women stated that having kids would be a deal breaker and that they consciously kept these individuals out of their dating pool. Surprisingly, many of the callers who commented on the topic had children themselves. The reason I heard over and over was the women's desire to avoid "baby momma drama" and not have to deal with the mother of their man's children. But generally, it was just to avoid the extra issues that come along with having kids.

I personally think this is bollocks, first of all from a logical and fairness perspective (having kids and not wanting to date someone else with kids), but also because I don't believe in arbitrary checklists without looking at the underlying factors. As adults, we all have history, we all have baggage, we've all made mistakes, and we've all had changes in life circumstances. It's how we handle these things that should be looked at in order to determine whether or not someone is "datable". If a man has 7 kids by 5 different women at the age of 27, or is absent from his child(ren)'s life and/or avoids caring for his children financially, then that's something that may give you pause because it's indicative of what type of person he is and his level of responsibility and maturity. As far as "baby momma drama" is concerned..... well, I know there are psycho women out there, but I think you also have to look at WHY he has baby momma drama and what that "drama" actually is, and also how he handles it. If he's an uncooperative jerk toward her, then yes, she's going to be a tad cantankerous. She can only interfere in your life as much as he allows her to interfere, and also as much as you allow her antics to get to you. That's true for ANYONE in your life, not just individuals in these situations.

At this point, I think I would actually prefer a man who has a child/children. There's a certain commonality there that is not going to be present with someone who has never been a parent. Parenting changes who you are radically and permanently. As a mother, it's nice to have someone who understands what I go through as a single parent..... the demands on my time, my priorities, the things that I have to go through and the struggles I have dealing with two household parenting. I need someone around that understands that you will only get large chunks of my time every other weekend. Sometimes it's good to be able to trade baby daddy/momma drama stories, laugh and woo-sah it out together.

A man having a child also makes it more likely that he's going to be more understanding of a few of my kid-related quirks. I've been watching Nick and Disney for the past 14 years (and really never STOPPED watching from earlier in my life, if we want to keep it all the way real..... maybe a 5 year gap at most..... teenage parenthood, you know....) so yes, I will subconsciously stop on Hannah Montana and maybe even laugh. I went and saw Kung Fu Panda by myself (yes, sans children), I have an unhealthy obsession with Harry Potter (a "Potterphile") and I'm just an all around silly person. It's nice to have someone around who doesn't give you a blank www.WTF.com stare when you make references from children's entertainment or state that The Lion King is one of the greatest movies of all time.

Another plus to men with kids..... they are less likely to expect me to pop one out for them. I've had child-free men actually come out and ask me fairly early on "So are you willing to have more kids?" (which often evokes a fight or flight reaction in me). I haven't 100% decided whether I'm willing to have more kids..... I'm only 30, but on the flip side I have a high schooler and a damn-near middle schooler. I like sleep and not having to look at anyone else's poop. I know that blended families have their own set of problems and issues, but so do new babies. My relationship with The Ex was centered around parenting..... it would be nice for once to have a relationship centered around enjoyment of each other's company, even if that's just for a little while.

So to the women (or men) out there who refuse to date someone with kids..... you may just be missing out on someone great. I won't totally knock a person's individual choice on this matter because I know it's a challenge.... particularly for someone who does not have kids themselves (I have a friend with no kids struggling to play the "instant mom" role in a relationship with a widower, and I feel for her). But for me, I've decided that this isn't going to be a deal breaker.... if anything, I think it helps me connect with a person in an area that is a major part of my life and who I am.