Adventures in Divorce

I always wondered why people who murdered their spouses didn't just get a divorce.... I now understand why

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Location: Nap Town, Indie-anne-ahhhhhh!, United States

No, I'm not a prophetess. Cassandra, according to Greek mythology, spurned the advances of the Greek god Apollo and her gift of prophecy was cursed so that her predictions would never be believed. Such is my life. I tend not to think like most people, which is a gift... but also a curse. So step into my mind, take off your shoes and stay for awhile... you're always welcome, loved ones.

June 24, 2009

How do you know HIM???

Today I got a Facebook friend request from a friend of a friend whom I'd hung out with a few times (ok, so we all went on a trip together, so she's more than just a passing acquaintance) and this is the message she sent me along with the request:
"Hey, How are you doing girl? How's things going with you? I was looking threw your page and on friend lists I seen [so-and-so] just out curiosity how do you know him???"
Now, anyone who has ever used Facebook, or MySpace, or any other social networking site knows that nobody actually knows everyone on their friend list. On Facebook, the friend request may be based solely on the fact that you have a lot of mutual friends (at least, that's how I do it.... and if I get a request with a very low number of mutual friends or none at all, they get the "Limited Profile" approval). And most friends on my friend list never get a message, wall post, Like, comment......nada. They're just kind of there.

My initial thought was "Hmmm..... this must be some guy she's been with, some guy she wants to get with, or some guy one of her girls has been with or wants to get with." The message is oozing with nosiness, messiness, and/or desperation. So how did I come to this conclusion so quickly? Let us analyze this 3 sentence message......

First, she went through all 320 of my friends (which is admittedly low for Facebook standards, but still objectively a lot of people) and picked out this ONE guy to ask me about "out of curiosity." "Out of curiosity" is one of those cover-up phrases which actually mean "I am desperate to know tell me everything right NOW!" I've encountered this phrase before and it always throws up a yellow flag that this person has ulterior motives for wanting to know this information aside for satisfying curiosity, usually of a personal (and intimate) nature.

Next, notice the use of excessive punctuation... not one question mark, but three. Maybe as a grammar geek I'm reading more into this and perhaps this chick always uses way too much punctuation, but even still excessive punctuation offenders usually get carried away with the exclamation points, not the question marks. No, to me this is a bit on the frantic side and smacks a bit of urgency to know this information.

Finally, notice how she didn't share how SHE knows this person. Normally when you ask how someone knows a person, you tend to share what your connection is to them as well. Example: "I saw John on your friend list, just wondering how you know him? He's my cousin on my momma's sister's auntie's side." The absence of such information leads me to believe that she doesn't WANT me to know her connection with this person because it may impact how much information she gets out of me, and that I may slip up and say something that I might not have had I know the extent of the relationship with this person. It's a set up, and I tend to side step set ups.

With all that said..... I don't know the guy from Adam. I had to go find him in my friend list to see who he even is, and even then nothing rang a bell. At most I've run across him in passing merely by virtue of the fact that this city is so damn small and all the folks with sense hang out at the same places, but still I don't know him from the next person out and about. Even still, though, the fact that my yellow flags were up helped me to temper my response. Something told me that it was a rather loaded inquiry, so this was my response:
"I don't. Just another random facebooker who must have saw that we have a lot of mutual friends. I only send friend requests to people I know personally."
I wanted to make it very clear that she could lower her hackles and let her girl know that she doesn't have to come beat my ass. But dang, chicks.... be a little slicker about your stalking activities! 'Cuz you know what? Even if I did know this guy and did have some scandalous scallywagging going on sort of relationship with him (past or present), my response would have probably been the same.

Bottom line..... don't do this sort of thing. I can see a fishing expedition a mile away. It's not slick or cute, and makes you look like a stalker. And nobody wants to be a stalker.... at least, they don't want to look like one.

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3 Comments:

Anonymous Mr. Smart Guy said...

It also could be that she is interested in that person and is trying (albeit badly) to mask her curiosity by "interviewing" you about him....

June 24, 2009 at 3:41 PM  
Anonymous superwoman said...

you're a better person than i am. i'd have just ignored her message...

July 1, 2009 at 1:41 AM  
Anonymous RenĂ©e aka Mekhismom said...

Funny, I have never had that experience. Usually if I see a mutual friend that I had no idea was a mutual friend, I will ask the question. This has only happened once and it was about a woman so no real fishing there - just curiosity. This is a small world.

July 2, 2009 at 3:52 PM  

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Adventures in Divorce: How do you know HIM???

How do you know HIM???

Today I got a Facebook friend request from a friend of a friend whom I'd hung out with a few times (ok, so we all went on a trip together, so she's more than just a passing acquaintance) and this is the message she sent me along with the request:
"Hey, How are you doing girl? How's things going with you? I was looking threw your page and on friend lists I seen [so-and-so] just out curiosity how do you know him???"
Now, anyone who has ever used Facebook, or MySpace, or any other social networking site knows that nobody actually knows everyone on their friend list. On Facebook, the friend request may be based solely on the fact that you have a lot of mutual friends (at least, that's how I do it.... and if I get a request with a very low number of mutual friends or none at all, they get the "Limited Profile" approval). And most friends on my friend list never get a message, wall post, Like, comment......nada. They're just kind of there.

My initial thought was "Hmmm..... this must be some guy she's been with, some guy she wants to get with, or some guy one of her girls has been with or wants to get with." The message is oozing with nosiness, messiness, and/or desperation. So how did I come to this conclusion so quickly? Let us analyze this 3 sentence message......

First, she went through all 320 of my friends (which is admittedly low for Facebook standards, but still objectively a lot of people) and picked out this ONE guy to ask me about "out of curiosity." "Out of curiosity" is one of those cover-up phrases which actually mean "I am desperate to know tell me everything right NOW!" I've encountered this phrase before and it always throws up a yellow flag that this person has ulterior motives for wanting to know this information aside for satisfying curiosity, usually of a personal (and intimate) nature.

Next, notice the use of excessive punctuation... not one question mark, but three. Maybe as a grammar geek I'm reading more into this and perhaps this chick always uses way too much punctuation, but even still excessive punctuation offenders usually get carried away with the exclamation points, not the question marks. No, to me this is a bit on the frantic side and smacks a bit of urgency to know this information.

Finally, notice how she didn't share how SHE knows this person. Normally when you ask how someone knows a person, you tend to share what your connection is to them as well. Example: "I saw John on your friend list, just wondering how you know him? He's my cousin on my momma's sister's auntie's side." The absence of such information leads me to believe that she doesn't WANT me to know her connection with this person because it may impact how much information she gets out of me, and that I may slip up and say something that I might not have had I know the extent of the relationship with this person. It's a set up, and I tend to side step set ups.

With all that said..... I don't know the guy from Adam. I had to go find him in my friend list to see who he even is, and even then nothing rang a bell. At most I've run across him in passing merely by virtue of the fact that this city is so damn small and all the folks with sense hang out at the same places, but still I don't know him from the next person out and about. Even still, though, the fact that my yellow flags were up helped me to temper my response. Something told me that it was a rather loaded inquiry, so this was my response:
"I don't. Just another random facebooker who must have saw that we have a lot of mutual friends. I only send friend requests to people I know personally."
I wanted to make it very clear that she could lower her hackles and let her girl know that she doesn't have to come beat my ass. But dang, chicks.... be a little slicker about your stalking activities! 'Cuz you know what? Even if I did know this guy and did have some scandalous scallywagging going on sort of relationship with him (past or present), my response would have probably been the same.

Bottom line..... don't do this sort of thing. I can see a fishing expedition a mile away. It's not slick or cute, and makes you look like a stalker. And nobody wants to be a stalker.... at least, they don't want to look like one.

Labels: ,