Adventures in Divorce

I always wondered why people who murdered their spouses didn't just get a divorce.... I now understand why

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Location: Nap Town, Indie-anne-ahhhhhh!, United States

No, I'm not a prophetess. Cassandra, according to Greek mythology, spurned the advances of the Greek god Apollo and her gift of prophecy was cursed so that her predictions would never be believed. Such is my life. I tend not to think like most people, which is a gift... but also a curse. So step into my mind, take off your shoes and stay for awhile... you're always welcome, loved ones.

August 1, 2011

Open Letter to my Parents

Dear Parental Units,

I think we need to have a little chat. I realize that divorce doesn't just affect the couple and the kids, but involves everyone in the family. You get used to having someone around for 14 years and then all the sudden they have been cut out of the picture and you may not even be privy to the reasons why (though if you cared, you would ask and try to understand....but you didn't). In somewhat fairness to you guys, this is exactly what happened. What makes it even more complex is that you, and especially dad, had to be parent figures to The Ex in a more literal sense than just that of in-laws since we had been together since we were 15 years old, he didn't have his dad around and had a mother who was too busy going to the gambling boat and to the Caribbean to pay him much mind. I understand all of that, and I understand that for whatever reason, you might actually still like this person that I now try my hardest to only slightly loathe. After all, you were not there when he was making bad choices for our household, treating me like I was an idiot, putting holes in my walls, spending my money indiscriminately like he was the one who graduated from law school and was earning the majority of the money, disregarding my feelings, and just generally not being a good match for me when I finally grew up and became my own person (a person which I'm sure you don't really even know). But things have changed, and I need for you to recognize that. I know it may be harder for you to cut him out of your lives than it has been for me, and that you may still have some sort of affection for this individual.

But hello.... hi.... remember me, your actual flesh and blood daughter??

I wish you would get a clue and realize that I am no longer married, have not been married in over 3 years, and thus my ex husband is no longer your son-in-law. I wish you would realize that, hey, I am your daughter and thus your loyalties should lie with me, not him. I wish you would recognize that I have moved on and have someone new in my life that I love and who will eventually (hopefully) become your new son-in-law soon. I wish you would realize that this person and I no longer get along. But no, you constantly desire to disregard and step on toes and disrespect and not realize there is a new world order and that everyone needs to get with the program. It was bad enough that you weren't there for me while I was actually going through the divorce, but this has gone on long enough and needs to STOP.

That time when dad came to Son's football game and walked right past me and my beau to go sit with The Ex, his mother and her boyfriend, and his new baby momma without saying hi to us, then later coming to sit with us toward the end of the game?? Not cool. Talking and laughing it up when we're at Daughter's cheerleading competition and hardly acknowledging The Beau's and my presence?? Not gonna cut it. Dad involving himself in the middle of a misunderstanding between The Ex and The Beau that The Ex should have just been able to handle himself like any other real man would do?? Nu-uhh.

Mom, though you never wanted to acknowledge it with us, you of all people know how this divorce thing works and the feelings involved and the changes that must be made to the family structure. How would you have felt if Grandma and Grandpa had ignored and disregarded Dad, and every time you turned around they were being chummy with my sister's father? Dad, how would you feel if they always acted like you weren't now the most important man in Mom's life? Neither one of you would have liked that scenario, so why can't I get the same consideration?

Now, I do realize that I am not yet remarried, and perhaps that is why you have been slow to make changes. But c'mon, Mom and Dad, it has been three years that The Beau and I have been together. Obviously this isn't just a passing fling. I do not want to have to wait until after I am married and have a huge blow up in order to make you realize that how you have been acting is not cool. Our family already isn't the closest, and I do not want this to be an unnecessary reason for causing more distance between us. Do you want to be part of my new life and eventually my new family? Yes? Well, some changes are going to need to happen first.

I guess I am just going to have to make my feelings explicit, and hopefully this time you will actually pay attention to me instead of just changing the subject. Perhaps for once you will try to understand me and change you actions because you actually do care how I feel. Maybe.

Love,
Your Daughter

P.S. Please pass this along to The Ex: "Stay the fuck away from my family.They are not your family anymore, so quit trying to involve yourself, quit calling my dad for advice or to "tattle" on me, quit trying to act like I didn't kick your ass to the curb for good reason. Your voice grates on my nerves like a thousand nails on a chalkboard and I wish you would shut up with your incessant talking. Quit stalking my family on Facebook and asking me about people's new jobs or babies, because they are absolutely none of your concern. I didn't need your words of sympathy when my favorite artist died, because you only liked her because I liked her, and I really don't care that you regret never getting to see her in concert. And PLEASE STOP with the.attempts to go down memory lane every single fucking time you speak to me. I'm sick of hearing "Remember that time when we...." No, I probably don't because I was miserable with you back then, even before I realized it, so my brain has selectively blocked out much of my past. You have your own new little family now that you had even before the divorce decree was signed. And why don't you go try to be a daddy to that baby you accidentally brought into this world with some other random chick instead of meddling in my world? You have a helluva lot of other things in your life to worry about besides what's going on in mine and my family's. I don't know what you are trying to do or prove, but all the proof that is needed is that divorce decree, my new last name, and the fact that I have moved on with someone else who loves me the way that I need and deserve to be loved. Go away. You are not wanted or needed. You lose. Good day."

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5 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow. Powerfully written. I applaud you for your honesty and courage.

August 1, 2011 at 12:03 PM  
Blogger cordell said...

Wonderful blog & good post.Life after divorce is never been easy for the people who are living this moment. I just want to say that those people need to live their life as it was before their marriage.
Cordell and Cordell

May 7, 2012 at 12:14 AM  
Anonymous Divorce Lawyer chicago said...

Yes i agree with you that divorce doesn't just affect the couple and the kids, but involves everyone in the family. Its great article about affect of divorce. Every parents must read this article....

May 24, 2012 at 9:28 AM  
Blogger Jessica Grace said...

I think you are awesome, just saying. I never thought before I got divorced that it would affect my relationship with my parents as much as it did. I have been searching through blog after blog for someone that speaks to me in a way that I relate. I have found a lot of people trying too hard to be smart and they read like instructions in a foreign language and seem very impersonal and cold. I just wanted to let you know I have been reading some of your posts and you really seem like an inspiration.

July 9, 2012 at 1:40 PM  
Anonymous james said...

Great blog and full of emotional feelings. Life really change after the divorce and couple should think harder before going to that route.

September 29, 2012 at 5:18 AM  

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Adventures in Divorce: Open Letter to my Parents

Open Letter to my Parents

Dear Parental Units,

I think we need to have a little chat. I realize that divorce doesn't just affect the couple and the kids, but involves everyone in the family. You get used to having someone around for 14 years and then all the sudden they have been cut out of the picture and you may not even be privy to the reasons why (though if you cared, you would ask and try to understand....but you didn't). In somewhat fairness to you guys, this is exactly what happened. What makes it even more complex is that you, and especially dad, had to be parent figures to The Ex in a more literal sense than just that of in-laws since we had been together since we were 15 years old, he didn't have his dad around and had a mother who was too busy going to the gambling boat and to the Caribbean to pay him much mind. I understand all of that, and I understand that for whatever reason, you might actually still like this person that I now try my hardest to only slightly loathe. After all, you were not there when he was making bad choices for our household, treating me like I was an idiot, putting holes in my walls, spending my money indiscriminately like he was the one who graduated from law school and was earning the majority of the money, disregarding my feelings, and just generally not being a good match for me when I finally grew up and became my own person (a person which I'm sure you don't really even know). But things have changed, and I need for you to recognize that. I know it may be harder for you to cut him out of your lives than it has been for me, and that you may still have some sort of affection for this individual.

But hello.... hi.... remember me, your actual flesh and blood daughter??

I wish you would get a clue and realize that I am no longer married, have not been married in over 3 years, and thus my ex husband is no longer your son-in-law. I wish you would realize that, hey, I am your daughter and thus your loyalties should lie with me, not him. I wish you would recognize that I have moved on and have someone new in my life that I love and who will eventually (hopefully) become your new son-in-law soon. I wish you would realize that this person and I no longer get along. But no, you constantly desire to disregard and step on toes and disrespect and not realize there is a new world order and that everyone needs to get with the program. It was bad enough that you weren't there for me while I was actually going through the divorce, but this has gone on long enough and needs to STOP.

That time when dad came to Son's football game and walked right past me and my beau to go sit with The Ex, his mother and her boyfriend, and his new baby momma without saying hi to us, then later coming to sit with us toward the end of the game?? Not cool. Talking and laughing it up when we're at Daughter's cheerleading competition and hardly acknowledging The Beau's and my presence?? Not gonna cut it. Dad involving himself in the middle of a misunderstanding between The Ex and The Beau that The Ex should have just been able to handle himself like any other real man would do?? Nu-uhh.

Mom, though you never wanted to acknowledge it with us, you of all people know how this divorce thing works and the feelings involved and the changes that must be made to the family structure. How would you have felt if Grandma and Grandpa had ignored and disregarded Dad, and every time you turned around they were being chummy with my sister's father? Dad, how would you feel if they always acted like you weren't now the most important man in Mom's life? Neither one of you would have liked that scenario, so why can't I get the same consideration?

Now, I do realize that I am not yet remarried, and perhaps that is why you have been slow to make changes. But c'mon, Mom and Dad, it has been three years that The Beau and I have been together. Obviously this isn't just a passing fling. I do not want to have to wait until after I am married and have a huge blow up in order to make you realize that how you have been acting is not cool. Our family already isn't the closest, and I do not want this to be an unnecessary reason for causing more distance between us. Do you want to be part of my new life and eventually my new family? Yes? Well, some changes are going to need to happen first.

I guess I am just going to have to make my feelings explicit, and hopefully this time you will actually pay attention to me instead of just changing the subject. Perhaps for once you will try to understand me and change you actions because you actually do care how I feel. Maybe.

Love,
Your Daughter

P.S. Please pass this along to The Ex: "Stay the fuck away from my family.They are not your family anymore, so quit trying to involve yourself, quit calling my dad for advice or to "tattle" on me, quit trying to act like I didn't kick your ass to the curb for good reason. Your voice grates on my nerves like a thousand nails on a chalkboard and I wish you would shut up with your incessant talking. Quit stalking my family on Facebook and asking me about people's new jobs or babies, because they are absolutely none of your concern. I didn't need your words of sympathy when my favorite artist died, because you only liked her because I liked her, and I really don't care that you regret never getting to see her in concert. And PLEASE STOP with the.attempts to go down memory lane every single fucking time you speak to me. I'm sick of hearing "Remember that time when we...." No, I probably don't because I was miserable with you back then, even before I realized it, so my brain has selectively blocked out much of my past. You have your own new little family now that you had even before the divorce decree was signed. And why don't you go try to be a daddy to that baby you accidentally brought into this world with some other random chick instead of meddling in my world? You have a helluva lot of other things in your life to worry about besides what's going on in mine and my family's. I don't know what you are trying to do or prove, but all the proof that is needed is that divorce decree, my new last name, and the fact that I have moved on with someone else who loves me the way that I need and deserve to be loved. Go away. You are not wanted or needed. You lose. Good day."

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