Adventures in Divorce

I always wondered why people who murdered their spouses didn't just get a divorce.... I now understand why

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Location: Nap Town, Indie-anne-ahhhhhh!, United States

No, I'm not a prophetess. Cassandra, according to Greek mythology, spurned the advances of the Greek god Apollo and her gift of prophecy was cursed so that her predictions would never be believed. Such is my life. I tend not to think like most people, which is a gift... but also a curse. So step into my mind, take off your shoes and stay for awhile... you're always welcome, loved ones.

November 10, 2010

Mine!

I'm almost this happy.
One thing I always emphasize about divorce is that it is not a single event in a person's life. It's a long, drawn out, step by step process that begins and  ends long before and after the divorce decree is signed. It is less a break than it is a detangling, constantly untying connections to your former spouse.  Even after the ink is dry and the assets and liabilities (in theory) have been divided up, there is still the process of changing names,  removing names, signing over legal ownership, closing accounts, changing addresses, and so on and so forth. As much as you may be  ready to be totally rid of this person, the reality is that undoing your connected lives takes time.

I recently had a major event happen for me: I bought a new car!  Somehow, some way, I managed to gain mind control over some car dealer and got them to sell me a car despite the financial wreckage that I was left with post-divorce. The car is very nice, very similar to my faithful Honda Civic, a sexy-but-not-cutesy little car in a lovely shade of Black Cherry ("Her name is Cherry, we just met....."), Bluetooth, satellite radio, all the things I could ask for in a (relatively inexpensive) car. I dug my heels in and feel like I negotiated a good deal on it (considering my financial  situation). The salesman kept asking me why I wasn't more excited and smiling. Part of it was sheer disbelief, waiting for the manager to poke his head in saying they'd made a mistake, part of it is my usual hesitancy at making big ticket purchases, and part of it was game face. I actually really was happy to get such a nice car so soon, but my face didn't REALLY light up until I realized one fact: My ex husband's name would no longer be on my vehicle. *happy dance*

When I was married The Ex and I owned two vehicles, so logically we each took our primary vehicles in the divorce. His got repossessed, but I managed to keep paying mine despite my roller coaster job and money situation. Although according to our divorce decree said I got the Civic and he got the SUV, legally we were both owners of each vehicle. My title still had his name on it; the registration was in both of our names. Majority of the time it wasn't an issue (except for the time I even almost got stuck with a default judgment on unpaid parking tickets because they were sending notices to him and not to me) and practically speaking it didn't matter that his name was still on the car.  But psychologically I was a little miffed seeing his name each time I renewed my registration.  I just wanted to be rid of him altogether (well, as much as possible considering we still have kids together).

When I purchased my new car they gave me a rebate for switching from Honda to Kia so I had to give them my registration, and the reminder came again. Then as I was negotiating my price the sales guy reminded me that my previous car loan had a co-signer and he was trying to get me a good rate without one. That's when it really hit me. This is going to be MY car. Mine. Nobody else's. It won't belong to that legal fiction of one person that marriage is considered to be. I have total control over this vehicle; I can say where it goes and doesn't go and nobody can use it without my permission. I don't have to worry about a 300 lb person flopping down in my seats bending the edges and scraping up the trim, getting gum on the seats that he promises to clean off and never does, or just generally treating my car like crap because he's careless and doesn't care because it's not his.  I can also rid myself of the reminder of a time when I was scared out of my mind when my car got vandalized by The Ex (he still swears he didn't do it, but I know he had someone do it.... shit like that doesn't happen on its own randomly).  But more than just the vehicle itself, my new car represents another step away from my old life and toward my new one.  Another step in the right direction.

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4 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Moving on is such a great feeling! I finally was able to buy a house this year. I got to pick everything out and have it exactly the way I wanted! Even though it's much smaller than the previous marital home, it's 100% me and I love every inch of it!

And I still get annoyed at seeing stuff in my married name too!

November 10, 2010 at 11:09 PM  
Blogger Betty said...

Great article. Keep those steps going in the right direction...moving forward and onward. I came across a very humorous blog you might enjoy called looksgreatnaked.com . It's a humorous blog about discovering that your identity does not come from your spouse and that the only person you can save is yourself.

November 10, 2010 at 11:48 PM  
Blogger Betty said...

I LOVE the cake....perfect! Great sense of humor! I'm still laughing! :-)

November 10, 2010 at 11:53 PM  
Anonymous Daphne said...

I'm so glad I came across this blog - wish I thought about writing one when I was going through my divorce. I still remember buying my own car after...what a great but scary feeling.

December 20, 2010 at 12:17 PM  

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Adventures in Divorce: Mine!

Mine!

I'm almost this happy.
One thing I always emphasize about divorce is that it is not a single event in a person's life. It's a long, drawn out, step by step process that begins and  ends long before and after the divorce decree is signed. It is less a break than it is a detangling, constantly untying connections to your former spouse.  Even after the ink is dry and the assets and liabilities (in theory) have been divided up, there is still the process of changing names,  removing names, signing over legal ownership, closing accounts, changing addresses, and so on and so forth. As much as you may be  ready to be totally rid of this person, the reality is that undoing your connected lives takes time.

I recently had a major event happen for me: I bought a new car!  Somehow, some way, I managed to gain mind control over some car dealer and got them to sell me a car despite the financial wreckage that I was left with post-divorce. The car is very nice, very similar to my faithful Honda Civic, a sexy-but-not-cutesy little car in a lovely shade of Black Cherry ("Her name is Cherry, we just met....."), Bluetooth, satellite radio, all the things I could ask for in a (relatively inexpensive) car. I dug my heels in and feel like I negotiated a good deal on it (considering my financial  situation). The salesman kept asking me why I wasn't more excited and smiling. Part of it was sheer disbelief, waiting for the manager to poke his head in saying they'd made a mistake, part of it is my usual hesitancy at making big ticket purchases, and part of it was game face. I actually really was happy to get such a nice car so soon, but my face didn't REALLY light up until I realized one fact: My ex husband's name would no longer be on my vehicle. *happy dance*

When I was married The Ex and I owned two vehicles, so logically we each took our primary vehicles in the divorce. His got repossessed, but I managed to keep paying mine despite my roller coaster job and money situation. Although according to our divorce decree said I got the Civic and he got the SUV, legally we were both owners of each vehicle. My title still had his name on it; the registration was in both of our names. Majority of the time it wasn't an issue (except for the time I even almost got stuck with a default judgment on unpaid parking tickets because they were sending notices to him and not to me) and practically speaking it didn't matter that his name was still on the car.  But psychologically I was a little miffed seeing his name each time I renewed my registration.  I just wanted to be rid of him altogether (well, as much as possible considering we still have kids together).

When I purchased my new car they gave me a rebate for switching from Honda to Kia so I had to give them my registration, and the reminder came again. Then as I was negotiating my price the sales guy reminded me that my previous car loan had a co-signer and he was trying to get me a good rate without one. That's when it really hit me. This is going to be MY car. Mine. Nobody else's. It won't belong to that legal fiction of one person that marriage is considered to be. I have total control over this vehicle; I can say where it goes and doesn't go and nobody can use it without my permission. I don't have to worry about a 300 lb person flopping down in my seats bending the edges and scraping up the trim, getting gum on the seats that he promises to clean off and never does, or just generally treating my car like crap because he's careless and doesn't care because it's not his.  I can also rid myself of the reminder of a time when I was scared out of my mind when my car got vandalized by The Ex (he still swears he didn't do it, but I know he had someone do it.... shit like that doesn't happen on its own randomly).  But more than just the vehicle itself, my new car represents another step away from my old life and toward my new one.  Another step in the right direction.

Labels: