tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4788230044393048312.post2457008644250281661..comments2022-07-11T07:55:25.738-04:00Comments on Adventures in Divorce: Emotional Baggage Sundays (+1): Fighting the Urge to FightThe Unheeded Prophetesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01685273919513889211noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4788230044393048312.post-39308854098640169442009-09-01T00:06:58.421-04:002009-09-01T00:06:58.421-04:00Sorry to post as anon. I'm Mia. The wine has m...Sorry to post as anon. I'm Mia. The wine has me too lazy to log in first. I usually lurk any how. <br><br>This one, however, really hit home. I can sooo relate. The Golden Rule? Well, it ain't so easy to remember how golden it is when it comes to ish like this IMO. Yes, you can and should stand up and fight back. It's ok to point out (calmly and rationally) that the offense demo's a lack of respect and consideration for one's time. In my experience, however, sometimes the fight means no fight at all. At least not in the 'muthaf*cka what?!' sense. Aren't I still being a bigger person when I express the reality of how I feel so as long as I do so maturely and rationally?<br><br>When I reach that boiling point with the ex, and trust there are still times when he can take me there in my head, I remind myself that he wouldn't want to cause me such frustration if he weren't either A) unhappy or B) immature/selfish than a mug or hell C) a combo of each(folks are complex ya know? lol). Either way, there's not much point in wasting the energy to fight in the more traditional (not necessarily physical sense) of the word. I found that the fuckery greatly decreased the more I simply did not react so that's the way I choose to fight back. Calmly, plainly state that I don't appreciate certain behaviors and keep it movin. Somtimes it requires a script, uh I mean patience but hey, I'm human. I still have the urge at times but consistency is where it's at. The cost benefit analysis says it just ain't worth my time or energy despite the short term payoff of unloadin' on his ignant arse. Not to mention, mini me will remember who cut the fug up and who didn't and that's priceless. <br><br>Without reaction, most (children lol) will cease throwing tantrums. There's just no payoff. Then the reality hits that acting like a petty arsehole has netted nothing and worse left one appearing immature and simple as hell. Who wants to be THAT person?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4788230044393048312.post-32595368683996831332009-09-01T00:21:07.159-04:002009-09-01T00:21:07.159-04:00Oh, I forgot to add that I'm one of those peop...Oh, I forgot to add that I'm one of those people who thinks that most ppl, despite whether or not they admit it to others, know when they are being foul, spiteful, shady etc. I think many people, even when they don't appear to, know the importance of honoring their word. But for one reason or another they encounter real difficulty in doing so. As far as I see it, that's the heavier burden. *stumbles off soapbox*<br><br>Note to self - no commenting on blogs after wine.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4788230044393048312.post-33057114187355682662009-09-01T02:57:28.087-04:002009-09-01T02:57:28.087-04:00"Right now I'm at the point where I'm..."Right now I'm at the point where I'm no longer sure how to be the "better person" without being a doormat that gets shat upon constantly."<br><br>That is exactly where I'm at right now, except with my brother, not an Ex. This post really hit home for me. When you figure out how to be that better person without being a doormat, I'd preciate it if you let me know, k? thanks. lolSelahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12225443502570540476noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4788230044393048312.post-53650369611451359112009-09-01T11:57:05.459-04:002009-09-01T11:57:05.459-04:00@Mia: I post post-wine all the time, so post-wine ...@Mia: I post post-wine all the time, so post-wine comments are welcome and appreciated. :) If honoring his word troubles him, he sure is good at not showing that. I really think the man is delusional, which is the reason we are divorced.<br><br>When I "fight back" I don't go off screaming and ranting with name calling. But it certainly isn't very nice (I tend to exploit weaknesses and insecurities). I (usually) don't try and escalate the situation, but I find myself backing off less and less. He's even asked me when I got "so hard".... when I got tired of putting up with and tolerating childish, bitchassed behavior, that's when.<br><br>My grandma used to always say "Jesus said to turn the other cheek... but I only have 4 cheeks." Well, I've run out of cheeks.Anesidorahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03800408869742333918noreply@blogger.com